Popular Jokes
You are a redneck if:
you've ever held a lifelong grudge over a spelling bee.
I almost got fired for telling this joke at work:
Do you know why fireman have bigger balls than policeman?
They sell more tickets!
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L."
TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Which animals eat with their ears?
All of them, since no animal takes its ears off to eat!
Teacher: If you found five pence in one pocket and ten pence in the other,what would you have?
Willy: Somebody else's trousers.
A sailor came home from his 5-year sea voyage, and had two bird-cages with him.
He holds them up, and says to his wife, "Do you want the parrot, or do you want the cockatoo?"
She replies, "I'll have the parrot, I've had a cockatoo while you were away!"
1. On a mall child's cart bag
Do not put child in bag (Who does?)
2. On food court restaurant counters
Warning: Touching hot surfaces may burn you (Wanna try?)
3a. Bush on war in Iraq
"We're not going to have any casualties." (Where are we now, huh?)
3b. Bush's description of the White House
"It is white." (WOW! Who knew???)
3c. Our future
"The future will look better tommorow." (That settles it, we're all gonna die.)
Laws of Feline Physics II
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedient Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigeration Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to e
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