Popular Jokes
My family has no traditions. We just do the same thing, over and over again, each year.
THE MAN'S POINTS SYSTEM
For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects -sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed...+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows...0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...-1
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty
liners with wings...+5 But return with beer ...-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night
Why did the blonde bring sandpaper to the desert?
She needed a map.
Why did the blonde bring a car door to the desert?
If it got hot she could roll the window down.
How did the blonde explain her helicopter crash?
It was getting hot so I turned the ceiling fan off.
What is the latest health epidemic among blondes?
MAIDS. If they don't get one they die.
Why did the blonde wear a condom on each ear?
She didn't want to get hearing AIDS.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell; She's got a grenade in her mouth.
Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in 6
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. - James Baldwin
Life is hard. After all, it kills you. - Katherine Hepburn
If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some breadsticks?" "No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll." - George Carlin
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were? - Satchel Paige
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey
My dog is half pit bull, half po
Once in medieval times...there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "Weapon".
The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon... he pulled down his pants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose.
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...and the band played appropriate music.
Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pants and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose.
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners... an
Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.
After a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.
Found in micellaneous things.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
I don't have a short attention span, it's just that I-
Etc.:a sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise.
Without geography, you're nowhere.
When someone tells you nothing is impossible, tell him to dribble a football.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernail.
Baseball is wrong; man with four balls cannot walk.
Man who drives like hell, bound to get there.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.
Crowded elevator smells different
The cat was chasing the rooster around on the farm, then the cat fell in the water and the rooster laughed. Lesson: For every wet pussy there is a happy cock
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