Yo momma is so fat she was runing in the street with a yellow raincoat and the kids thougth they mised the bus.

A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."

A boy asked to his girl friends: What does a gay cow eat? all of his friends failed to answer. Then he stood up, and with a gay-est falsetto voice he said: Haaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!

Knock,knock! Who's there? King! King who? King Kong is now part of China.

Why wasn't the giraffe invited to the party? He was a pain in the neck to talk to.

Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket." Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."

1. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 2. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 3. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 5. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!" 6. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

What is the difference between unlawful and illegal? Unlawful is against the law. Illegal is a sick bird.

Bloke stayed up all night, wondering where the sun had gone; then it dawned on him.

The pub landlord was delighted with the little puppy that he'd acquired, and the little puppy was very pleased with his new home. He'd run around the place, just a bundle of energy - very inquisitive, examining this, looking into that, non-stop all day, until the inevitable happened and he caught his tail in a fast-closing door and lost it! Time passed, and as one human year equals seven dog years, eventually he went to dog-heaven, for an endless supply of dog biscuits, walks in paradise - well, you couldn't call it a dog's life! However, he felt incomplete, and one night around midnight, he went back in his ghostly form to ask to be made whole again. "Sorry," said the landlord, "you kno

Grey hair is hereditary - you get it from your kids.

I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What if you wanted a day off? You ring up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running a little fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to make it to today's sermon. What...? Say that again...? I'm cured?"