Yo momma so ugly her reflection quit. Yo momma so old that when I slapped her back her boobs fell off. Yo momma so fat when she stepped in the deepest part of the ocean, she got her foot wet. Yo momma so old and fat, she told us about the story of how she farted and killed all the dinosaurs.

What is a cat's favorite part of the computer? The mouse!

A woman is in bed with her lover who happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation ... (She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye." She hangs up the telephone, and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh," she replies," that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having with you on his fishing trip."

Knock Knock Who's there ! Banana ! Banana who ? Banana split, so ice creamed !

During the Irish Potato famine, a young Irish-Catholic woman was worried about the poverty of her family. She told her parents that she was going to America to seek her fortune. With many tears, they let her go. Years passed, and the woman returned home. She arrived in a private jet, dressed in a gorgeous designer gown, with dazzling, expensive jewelry. Her family was stunned by their daughter's wealth, and a more than a little curious at how she had come by it. The daughter finally confessed. "I hate to tell you this, but the reason I became so rich was because I became a prostitute." Her father immediately collapsed in shock. The doctor was called, and he began to help the man. As the d

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved

You have the right to remain silent. Exercise it.

The secret to enjoying a good wine is: 1 - Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2 - When it does not breathe, give it mouth-to-mouth

Two blondes are filling up at a gas station. The first one says to the other, "I bet these awful gas prices are going even higher". The second replies, "It won't affect me. I always buy exactly $10 worth".

Pedro was driving down the street, in a panic, because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila." Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."

Q: How many polititians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 6 Clinton to start the screwing enitiative, Nixon to steal public tax money to campain for the support of the light bulb initiative, Jimmy Carter to bore people to death about the campain Reagan to reasure the American public that it is necesary and ok to change the light bulb Bush jr. to make a mess of the initiative........ .........and Hillary to come smack the s#%@ out of her husband for screwing around!!!

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: Because the chicken had the day off!