What's gross? Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon. What's grosser than that? Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar. What's grosser than that? When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face. You want to know what's grosser than that? When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner. But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.

I never engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed appoint

The best things in life are free and the worst things in life cost only $19.95.

Jesus sees a woman being assaulted by an angry crowd and steps in front of her and says, "let he who hath no sin cast the first stone." From the crowd comes a rock flying at the woman. Jesus looks over and says, "Damn it mother, sometimes you really piss me off."

Q. What goes clop... clop... clop... BANG! clop clop clop clop clop clop? A. An Amish driveby

1 A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "Go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'." 2 A blonde was telling her priest a Polack joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?" "Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "do you want me to start over and talk slower?" 3 A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer popped out of the machine. She set it on the ground, put sixty more cents into th

How can you tell the difference between a violin and a fiddle? Look at the audience!

Boy: Is your dad a baker? Girl: No. Why? Boy: Cause you're a cutie pie!!

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always

A blond in a mathematics test encountered this problem Find X This was her answer i i \ i \ 14.6578i \ i \ X________ Here it is i \ i \ i \ i \ i_________\ 12.76

yo mamma is so thin when she turns sidways she dissapears

When you were born, God admitted that even he sometimes made mistakes!