There are two ants living in a girl's pair of panties. One day they decide to go exploring in the caves. They said to meet back in the same spot in and hour. So, one ant went in one cave, and the other ant in a different cave. After an hour went by, the two ants met back up. One ant was covered in brown, sticky, smelly stuff. "Eeew!, What was your cave like" asked the other ant. "It was nice at first, but it soon became really smelly and the walls were all dark and sticky" replied the ant. "So how was your cave ?". "Well" he said, "It was lovely at first, all pink and warm, but then this bald guy started head butting me and then spitting on me."

You might be a redneck if... You can talk for more than 20 minutes on the difference between squirrel and rabbit stew.

A blonde was driving along in her car one day, when she noticed a man at the side of the road, eating grass. She pulled over and asked him "Why are you eating the grass?" The man replied, "I'm too poor to afford any food, so I have to eat the grass to stay alive." The blonde said to him, "Don't worry, you can come back to my house and I'll give you food." The man, overjoyed, asked the blonde, "But why are you helping me?" She replied, "Well, I like cows." The man, who didn't think he'd heard her properly, repeated the question. "Why do you want to help me?" She said "Because cows eat grass, so you must be a cow."

Knock-knock Who's there It's me. This is not a joke. It's me. This is not a joke. who? Grrrrrrrrrr...

Little Brother: How long is a strong? Big Sister: Huh? Little Brother: Well, I've heard of a week...

After the assassination of Tsar Alexander II of Russia, a government official in Ukraine menacingly addressed the local rabbi, "I suppose you know in full detail who was behind it." "Ach," the rabbi replied, "I have no idea, but the government's conclusion will be the same as always: they will blame the Jews and the bicyclists." "Why the bicyclists?" asked the befuddled official. "Why the Jews?" responded the rabbi.

Success is relative. The more success, the more relatives!

A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: "Justice prevailed." The senior partner replied in haste, "Appeal immediately."

Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice? Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient? Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?

Then there was the model who sat on a broken bottle and cut a good figure.

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!'' ''No. You had your chance.'' A minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?'' ''No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.'' ''Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass of water?''