Popular Jokes
A man walks into a hotel and asks for a room. The guy behind the counter tells him that there is one room left but it is haunted. The man gets the room anyway. That night he hears in a soft voice "If the log rolls over we`ll all die!" He runs away. The next day a father and his daughter get the room after they were told that it is haunted. That night they hear "If the log rolls over we`ll all die!" The girl hides under the bed as the father follows the sound to the bathroom door. He opens the door. There on the ground is a bunch of ants staring at a turd saying, "If the log rolls over, we'll all die!"
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : OK.
Interviewer : Made in India.
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan.
Interviewer : Good .... Keep it up.
Banta Singh : Bad .... Put it down.
Interviewer : Maxi - mum
Banta Singh : Mini - dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your seat.
Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don't take my seat.
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your seat.
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my seat.
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in.
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You appoint me.
Interviewer : .....!!!!!
A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
"Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"
Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead"Â = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset"Â = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk"Â = I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive tonight"Â = Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" Â = I want a new house
"I want new curtains"Â = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
"I heard a noise"Â = I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?"Â = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do yo
1. George Washington isn't the first president. He was the first elected president.
2. Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.
3. It is estimated that millions of trees in the world are accidently planted by squirrels who bury nuts and forget where they hid them.
4. Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel,"Gadsby", which contains over 50,000 words--none of them with the letter "E".
5. Of all the words in the English laguage, the word "set" has the most definitions.
6. A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans.
7. Every 45 seconds, a house catches on fire in the United States.
8. The sun is 330,330 times larger than the Earth.
9. A mole can dig
Q: What do you call a schizophrenic Buddhist?
A: Someone who is at two with the universe.
A teacher in California asked her class, "How many of you are Republicans?"
Everyone in the class raised their hands except for one girl. "Mary," the teacher inquired, "Why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Republican," she replied. "I'm a Democrat."
The teacher asked her, "Why are you a Democrat?"
And Mary said, "Well, my mother and my father are both Democrats, so I'm a Democrat, too."
"Well," said the teacher in an annoyed tone, "That's no reason why you have to be a Democrat. You don't always have to be like your parents. What if your parents were both criminals?"
"Then," Mary said, "We'd be Republicans."
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