You might remember Zeno's paradox, but in case you don't here it is again. Zeno argued that motion is an illusion. Now, by motion he meant movement, and not the rude kind that involves bowels but the Newtonian kind. He did this by the Achilles (A) and the Tortoise (T) parable. For argument's sake, say A runs 10 times faster than T can crawl. Then let T be placed 10 meters ahead of A at the start of a race. When A has moved 10 meters, T has moved 1 meter, so T is now still 1 meter ahead of A. Then when A has covered that 1 meter, T has gone 1/10 meter ahead. Etc. So, A will never ever pass T. Poor Zeno, it was reported that he found this logic so persuasive that he did not bother to move agai

A man went fishing one day. He looked over the side of his boat, and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free - but then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked around the boat, but he had no food. All he had was a bottle of bourbon, so he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots. The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds. He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat. With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down and saw the snake was back with t

Excuse Notes from Parents ... These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston... My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words were crossed out in the ( )'s] Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's faul

Now here's a classic joke that's been told by many kids, that should be very well known . . . anyway, after you read this, it's funny to try it on someone After every statement, say, "Behind the rock" 1. Billy went 2. He took off his shoes 3. He took off his socks 4. He took off his shirt 5. He took off his pants 6. He took off his undies 7. He made out with someone 8. Where were you?

The teacher asks: "Fritzchen, why are you always speaking of our Soviet brothers? It's 'Soviet friends'." Fritz responds: "Well, you can pick your friends."

After the assassination of Tsar Alexander II of Russia, a government official in Ukraine menacingly addressed the local rabbi, "I suppose you know in full detail who was behind it." "Ach," the rabbi replied, "I have no idea, but the government's conclusion will be the same as always: they will blame the Jews and the bicyclists." "Why the bicyclists?" asked the befuddled official. "Why the Jews?" responded the rabbi.

"What is the main difference of succession under tsarist regime and under socialism?" "Under tsarist regime the power transferred from father to a son, and under socialism - from one grandfather to another."

A Pokemon Trainer walks into a STD help center. The nurse there says "Sorry, but it looks like you've caught 'em all"

Success is relative. The more success, the more relatives!

Yo mama so fat when she sat on a rainbow skittles came out!

Yo mama is so stupid she stole a free sample.

Q: How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there going "To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right..."