What's the difference between a leg and an egg? You can beat an egg up, but you can't beat a leg up!

WINDERS 98 MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note: Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard Hard Drive is referred to as

A guy receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when he arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the upper corner of the stadium; he's closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter he sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field, right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down he ask the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, he again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incr

"You don't have anything in your head except soccer," said a wife to her husband. "I'm sure you've even forgotten when we got married!" "Of course I haven't forgotten," replied the husband. "That was the day England beat Italy 2-1."

Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.

3 people were asked to find the "hardest" word in the dictionary. One person found the word "happiness". One person found the word"photosynthesis". The last person found the word "dick".

You're so dumb, you studied for a blood test!

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. known as: "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS). Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands. Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some

Q: What's funnier than a dead baby? A: A dead baby in a clown costume! Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? A: When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off! Q: What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A: A baby with a punctured lung! Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? A: Fucked! Q: How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? A: Nail its other hand to the floor! Q: What do you call a dead baby and 6 week old bread? A: A Big Mac! Q: How do you make a man pregnant? A: Stick a dead baby up his ass! Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house? A: Depends how hard you throw them!

What's a blonde doing if her hands are covered tightly over her ears and her mouth is completely shut? She's trying to hold onto a thought.

Knock-knock! Who's there? Chips. Chips who? Chips Ahoy!

A Harvard English 101 class was asked to write a CONCISE essay containing four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The only "A+" in the class read: "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"