Today in history class the topic was the Incas. Hoping to see if the students had done the reading, the teacher calls on random students and asks them questions. "Where could the Incas be found?" The teacher's first question. "Jonie?" foolishly she called on the blonde. Not having actually done the homework, and only halfway hearing the question, she guesses: "In the pen?"

I never engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed appoint

The best things in life are free and the worst things in life cost only $19.95.

Jesus sees a woman being assaulted by an angry crowd and steps in front of her and says, "let he who hath no sin cast the first stone." From the crowd comes a rock flying at the woman. Jesus looks over and says, "Damn it mother, sometimes you really piss me off."

Boy: Is your dad a baker? Girl: No. Why? Boy: Cause you're a cutie pie!!

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always

A blond in a mathematics test encountered this problem Find X This was her answer i i \ i \ 14.6578i \ i \ X________ Here it is i \ i \ i \ i \ i_________\ 12.76

Q: Why do blondes insist on guys wearing condoms? A: So they'll have a doggie bag for later. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A: "Are you sure it's mine?" Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus? A: One has whiskers and fishy flaps, the other is a walrus Q: What does a blonde say after she graduates from college? A: "Hi, welcome to McDonalds." Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? A: Last year's hide and seek champ. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A space invader. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde brain cells die? A: Alone. Q: Why did the blo

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generat

Justin: If you give me a quarter, I'll give you everything in my lunch box. Zach: That depends... what's in your lunchbox? Justin: Nothing!

"Have you ever had a tick before?" asked Mel. "No, I've only ever had crosses," replied Sally.

A bear, a lion and a chicken were having a discussion as to which one of them scares humans the most. "I only have to growl," said the bear, "and people start to get a bit nervous." The lion said, "I just have to roar and people run away." "That's nothing," replied the chicken. "I only have to sneeze and the whole world panics."