Makes one think, and puts things in perspective : Diet Snapple....16 oz $1.29........$10.32 per gallon Lipton Ice Tea..16 oz $1.19........$ 9.52 per gallon Gatorade........20 oz $1.59...... $10.17 per gallon Ocean Spray.....16 oz $1.25.......$10.00 per gallon Brake Fluid.....12 oz $3.15 ..... $33.60 per gallon Vick's Nyquil... 6 oz $8.35 .....$178.13 per gallon Pepto Bismol.....4 oz $3.85......$123.20 per gallon Whiteout........ 7 oz $1.39...... $25.42 per gallon Scope ........ 1.5 oz $0.99.......$84.48 per gallon and this is the REAL KICKER...... >Evian water 9 oz for $1.49...... $21.19 per gallon. $21.19 FOR WATER! ....and the buyers don't even know the source. Yes, and the n

A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"

Knock-Knock. Who's there? Sara. Sara who? Sara doctor in the house?!

Why couldn't G-Unit take the bus? They only had 50 cent!

What do you call a flying skunk? A smell-icopter

What's Samurai Jack's favorite fish? Swordfish

An engineer, a mathmatician and an arts graduate were given the task of finding the height of a church steeple (the first to get the correct solution wins a $1000). The engineer tried to remember things about differential pressures, but resorted to climbing the steeple and lowering a string on a plumb bob until it touched the ground and then climbed down and measured the length of the string. The Mathematician layed out a reference line, measured the angle to the top of the steeple from both ends and worked out the height by trigonometry. However, the arts graduate won the prize. He bought the vicar a beer in the local pub and he told him how high the church steeple was.

Knock knock. Who's there? No one. No one who? No one to tell you who's here!

This is a list of what I have learned so far in my life: 1.) Always smile. It makes adults wonder what you're up to. 2.) Golf is no longer a rich man's sport. There are millions of poor players. 3.) If at first you DO succeed, try to hide your astonishment. 4.) It takes a thousand nuts and bolts to put a car together, yet just one nut to scatter it all over the road. 5.) NEVER play leapfrog with a unicorn. 6.) NEVER ask your dad to help you with your math homework, unless you want a 4-hour lecture. 7.) When things look black, send them to the laundry. 8.) Be tolerant of those who disagree with you. After all, they're entitled to their stupid opinions!

A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to ru

When I die I want to go peacefully - like my grandfather did - in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.

What's gray, has four legs, and a trunk? A mouse on vacation.