Popular Jokes
What's the difference between men and women?
Women zoom with a camera by walking closer or farther away; men just push the button!
A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man."
"Well, how about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
One day, I went to the shooting gallery at the fair, one with the smiling clowns. I aimed and fired. Imagine my reaction when the target started yelling obscenities and charged.
"WOW! These fairs are really getting high-tech," I thought. Just to impress the girls watching, I held my ground and continued firing. Pretty soon, he lost all of his teeth, but he still kept coming. And that was some realistic blood! I aimed up at the forehead, and the target dropped like a rock. A security guard walked up to me and said, "How do you feel? You just killed a carnie, you sicko!"
"Wow, real carnival people!" I said, "I gotta get some of those for my shotgun at home! Carnies are cheaper than paper tar
Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7 a.m. Sunday. But one of them got transferred, and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome.
A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I join the group?"
They were hesitant but said she could come once to try it. She said "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or quarter to seven."
She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under-par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her. Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or quarter to 7."
Agai
He was a smooth operator, and at the club's annual dance he attached himself to the prettiest lady golfer in the room and was boasting to her.
"You know, they're all afraid to play me. What do you think my handicap is?"
"Well, where do you want me to start ?" came the quick response.
Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid says to Barney, "Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day." Barney agrees and they enjoy a great game. After the 8th hole, Barney is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
"Help me find my ball; you look over there," he says to Sid. After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Barney pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces triumphantly.
Sid looks at him forlornly, "After all th
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes.
When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet.
She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like this before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?"
Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."
Blonde jokes started when a brunette and a red head had to much time on their hands, because a blond was out with their boyfriends.
Little Johnny walked into class one day and sat down. He realized that someone new was teaching the class today, It was Coach Bob, the gym teacher.
Coach Bob started the class by saying, "Okay you little one's are never too young to learn about s-e-x, uh ummm."
While every other kid in the class is giggling. Little Johnny looks really intent.
Coach Bob then asks, " Well, what do any of you kids already know about sex."
Little Shirley raised her hand, "One time my puppy had a baby."
"Good " said Coach Bob
Then Little Chuckie raised his hand and said, "Well my mom gave me a little sister."
"Good, good." said Coach Bob
The Little Johnny raised his hand and Coach Bob's heart skipped a be
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