Popular Jokes
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies."
Now God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopp
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Scottish sheep with a Peruvian Mountain Goat?
A: The Dolly Llama.
I'm dyslexic, and attended a conference about the disorder with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal experiences with the group. I told them stress aggravates my condition, in which I reverse words and letters when I'm tense.
When I finished speaking, my friend leaned over and whispered to me, "Now I know why you named your daughter Hannah."
Five cannibals were employed by Army as scouts and translators during on of the island campaigns during World War II. When the Commanding Officer of ground forces welcomed the cannibals he said, "You're all part of our team now. We will compensate you well for your services, and you can eat any of the rations that the Soldiers are eating. But please don't indulge yourselves by eating a Soldier." The cannibals promised.
Four weeks later the CO returned and said, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our Master Sergeants has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?"
The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the CO left
A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
"Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"
Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"
1.Keep your lights blinking for a whole hour.
2.Go really slow on a highway.
3.Smile and wave at everyone that you see at a stoplight.
4.Turn your radio up while playing opera music.
5.When stopping at a stop sign run out of your car and look to see if any cars are coming then yell, "It's all clear!"
6.When coming to a speed bump, get out and say "My car won't make it!" then try to push it over the bump.
7.At every stoplight, run out and check your tires and yell, "Don't worry it's OK!"
8.Take a sponge and a bucket of water and pull over to wash the bugs off the car every time you see one.
9.Fill the back seats with plastic bags, put the windows down, and drive around really fast.
10.Change
1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
6. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
7. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
9. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
10. You! Off my planet!
11. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
12. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
13. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
15. Suburbia: where they te
Knock knock
Who's there?
Mayonaise
Mayonaise who?
Mayonaise a lot of jokes on this website.
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