Two women were sitting beside each other in the airport. "Where are you flying to?", the woman on the right asked. With an attitude, the other replied "You should never end a sentece with the word 'to'". "Ok", said the woman on the right. "Where are you flying to, bitch?"

The sky was dark the moon was high all alone just her and I Her hair was so soft Her eyes so blue I knew just what she wanted to do her skin so soft her legs so fine I ran my fingers down her spine I didn't know how But I tried my best I started by placing my hand on her breast I remember my fear My fast beating heart but slowly she spread her legs apart, and when I did it I felt no shame and all at once the white stuff came At last it's finished it's all over now my first time ever at milking a cow

On a golf tour in Ireland , Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger. "Well, what on the good earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving" says Tiger. "Frickin 'eck" says the Irishman, "BMW think

-Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. -Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. -Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. -Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. -Good girls wax their floors. -Bad girls wax their bikini lines. -Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. -Bad girls know they could do it better. -Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. -Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls. -Good girls wear high heels to work. -Bad girls wear high heels to bed. -Good girls say, ''Don't... Stop...'' -Bad girls say, ''Don't Stop...''

After a party, one man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 o'clock in the morning?" the officer asked. "I'm going to a lecture," the man said. "And who would be giving this lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife," the guy replied.

You know you're a redneck if: 1) You drive your house and sleep in your car. 2) You think a loaded dishwasher means your wife is drunk. 3) You have more than 2 relatives named Buh Buh. 4) You let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of HER kids. 5) You've been to a wedding reception at the waffle house.

A lawyer and two friends--a Rabbi, and a Hindu holy man--had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn." "No problem," chimed the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for one evening." With that he departed to the barn, and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I just can't sle

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

A panda walks into a bar and eats lunch. When he is finished he shoots the waiter and leaves. The owner ran after the panda and asked him why he did such and thing. The panda replied, "Look up the word 'panda' in the dictionary." The owner did so and it read, "Panadas are black and white animals. They eat shoots and leaves."

A man is walking down the street. Further down the street he notices Little Johnny. Little Johnny is sitting in a red wagon, wearing a fireman's hat. The wagon is tied to a dog, by its balls. The man says to LittleJohnny "Little Johnny you could go alot further, if you tied the rope around the dogs neck." Little Johnny replies "If I did that, I wouldn't have a siren"

What did the baby lightbulb say to his mother? I wuv you watts and watts!

If a lawyer can be disbarred can a musician be denoted or a model deposed?