Popular Jokes
There once was a man from Rangoon
Whose farts could be heard on the moon;
When you'd least expect 'em
They'd burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon!!
...you prefer cheap rum instead of expensive wine.
...you think that the proper way to greet kings at events is: "Arrh, ye peacock, give me yer money or I ll burn yer tent!"
...you're planning to purchase a large cannon with the explanation: "Who knows? Maybe some day we go to camping."
...you get thrown out of meetings cause you know too much about "slithering throats, ARRH!".
...the people at work starts to talk about you as the guy who puts jolly rogers on everything.
...people stand WAAY back when your household starts to pull out rapiers, sabres, cutlasses and daggers.
...you get really angry when the person next to you at the bancuette, who claims to be a pirate, doesnt kno
On the 12th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
12- Pack of Bud
11 Rasslin' Tickets
10 tins of Copenhagen
9 Years Probation
8 Holey vests
7 Kissing Cousins
6 Cans of Spam
5 Hunting Hounds
4 Mudgrip tyres
3 Shot Gun Shells
2 more Gaps in Teeth
And some parts to a Mustang GT
How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. With all the technology that they have, its a wonder that they still use lightbulbs.
A group of young children was sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make?"
"It goes moo."
"Alice, what noise does a cat make?"
"It goes meow."
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
"It goes baaa."
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
"Errr..it goes.. click!"
SO GREASY
Yo momma's so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
Yo momma's so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Yo momma's so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her!
SO NASTY
Yo momma's so nasty, she made speed stick slow down!
Yo momma's so nasty, she brings crabs to the beach!
Yo momma's so nasty, she made the right guard turn left!
Yo momma's so nasty, the fishery paid her to leave!
Yo momma's so nasty, she has to creep up on bathwater!
Yo momma's so nasty, she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh!
Yo momma's so nasty, I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.
SO POOR
Yo momma's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her
A precocious 4-year-old was brought to the ER with a severe cough, a nurse writes. She kept up a non-stop conversation while I was trying to assess her lung sounds. Finally, I said, "Shhh, I have to see if Barney is in there."
The child looked at me and said, "I have Jesus in my heart. Barney is on my underwear."
A blonde was driving along in her car one day, when she noticed a man at the side of the road, eating grass.
She pulled over and asked him "Why are you eating the grass?" The man replied, "I'm too poor to afford any food, so I have to eat the grass to stay alive." The blonde said to him, "Don't worry, you can come back to my house and I'll give you food."
The man, overjoyed, asked the blonde, "But why are you helping me?" She replied, "Well, I like cows."
The man, who didn't think he'd heard her properly, repeated the question. "Why do you want to help me?" She said "Because cows eat grass, so you must be a cow."
Little Brother: How long is a strong?
Big Sister: Huh?
Little Brother: Well, I've heard of a week...
A woman is walking down the street with a pack of menstrual pads in her hand, after buying them from the store. A homeless guy comes by and kindly asks for money. The woman says she has no change. So, the guy being a smartass says, "Can I have some of that bread in your hand?" The woman being a bigger smartass says, "Meet me tomorrow and I will give it to you with some ketchup on it!"
W a t e r
1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half the world population.)
2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study.
5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and diff
Home
