Q: What do you call a sheep that does karate? A: A lamb chop

Q: What do you get when you cross a Scottish sheep with a Peruvian Mountain Goat? A: The Dolly Llama.

What do fish paint with? Water colours!

Five cannibals were employed by Army as scouts and translators during on of the island campaigns during World War II. When the Commanding Officer of ground forces welcomed the cannibals he said, "You're all part of our team now. We will compensate you well for your services, and you can eat any of the rations that the Soldiers are eating. But please don't indulge yourselves by eating a Soldier." The cannibals promised. Four weeks later the CO returned and said, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our Master Sergeants has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the CO left

1.Keep your lights blinking for a whole hour. 2.Go really slow on a highway. 3.Smile and wave at everyone that you see at a stoplight. 4.Turn your radio up while playing opera music. 5.When stopping at a stop sign run out of your car and look to see if any cars are coming then yell, "It's all clear!" 6.When coming to a speed bump, get out and say "My car won't make it!" then try to push it over the bump. 7.At every stoplight, run out and check your tires and yell, "Don't worry it's OK!" 8.Take a sponge and a bucket of water and pull over to wash the bugs off the car every time you see one. 9.Fill the back seats with plastic bags, put the windows down, and drive around really fast. 10.Change

Atlas is the biggest thief in history, because he held up the whole world.

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."

14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR Pass My Shotgun Psychotic Mood Shift Perpetual Munching Spree Puffy Mid-Section People Make Me Sick Provide Me with Sweets Pardon My Sobbing Pimples May Surface Pass My Sweatpants Pissy Mood Syndrome Plainly; Men Suck Pack My Stuff Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!"

When I die I want to go peacefully - like my grandfather did - in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.

Johnny and his mother were having a parent-teacher conference. MOTHER: Johnny really enjoys having you as a teacher, Mrs. Bengal. JOHNNY: Really? I didn't know it was opposite day!