For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. Here's why: The population of this country is 273 million. 140 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Saddam Hussein. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000

1.Keep your lights blinking for a whole hour. 2.Go really slow on a highway. 3.Smile and wave at everyone that you see at a stoplight. 4.Turn your radio up while playing opera music. 5.When stopping at a stop sign run out of your car and look to see if any cars are coming then yell, "It's all clear!" 6.When coming to a speed bump, get out and say "My car won't make it!" then try to push it over the bump. 7.At every stoplight, run out and check your tires and yell, "Don't worry it's OK!" 8.Take a sponge and a bucket of water and pull over to wash the bugs off the car every time you see one. 9.Fill the back seats with plastic bags, put the windows down, and drive around really fast. 10.Change

If to give a man a fish, he eats for a day, but if you teach a man to fish... He has to buy a license, poles, bait, and sit on his behind for four hours.

14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR Pass My Shotgun Psychotic Mood Shift Perpetual Munching Spree Puffy Mid-Section People Make Me Sick Provide Me with Sweets Pardon My Sobbing Pimples May Surface Pass My Sweatpants Pissy Mood Syndrome Plainly; Men Suck Pack My Stuff Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

When I was in high school I had a friend who had a wooden eye (this was a long time ago). He was very insecure about it. Come senior year he didn't have a date for the Prom. There was a beautiful girl he liked, but had a hairlip (this gave her an extreme lisp) we decided to set them up. He goes up to her and asks her out to the Prom. She said, "Oh, wouldn't I, wouldn't I?" and he said, "Hairlip, hairlip." and they never spoke again.

Pope John Paul II gets to heaven. St. Peter says, "Frankly, you're lucky to be here." The Pope says, "Why? What did I do wrong on earth?" St. Peter says, "God was very angry with your stance on women becoming priests." The Pope says, "He's mad about THAT?" St. Peter says, "She's furious."

Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!"

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

What do you call 2 nuns and 3 prostitutes on a football field? 2 Tight Ends and 3 Wide Receivers

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. Weight Watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for tests. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the birth of their first child. The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread, and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Outside a small Macedonian village, close to the border between Greece and strife-torn Yugoslavia, a lone Catholic nun keeps a quiet watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of a site of significant historic developments. The convent once served as a base for the army of Attila the Hun. In more ancient times, a Greek temple to Eros, the god of love, occupied the hilltop site. The Huns are believed to have first collected and then destroyed a large gathering of Greek legal writs at the site. It is believed that Attila wanted to study the Greek legal system and had the writs and other documents brought to the temple. When the Greek Church took over the site in the 15th Century an