There's this dyslexic guy... he walked into a bra...

If the opposite of pro is con, isn't the opposite of progress, congress?

Economic times were very bad, so the plant owner had a difficult time finding people to work in his new factory. In an act of desperation, he hired a tribe of cannibals. At their orientation he made it very clear that he would not tolerate any acts of cannibalism in the plant. Three months went by without incident, when all of a sudden a secretary disappeared without a trace. The manager rounded up all of the cannibals. "If I find out that one of you ate the secretary," he said, "I'm going to fire all of you!" and with that, stormed out of the room. After he left the room, one of the cannibals stood up and said, "This is a disgrace! For months we've been eating managers and no one has e

In the beginning was the Plan And then came the assumptions And the assumptions were without form And the Plan was completely without substance And darkness was upon the faces of the workers And they spake unto their Group Heads, and sayeth: "It is a crock, and it stinketh!" And the Group Heads went unto their Section Heads, and sayeth: "It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odour thereof." And the Section Heads went unto their Managers, and sayeth unto them: "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." And the Managers went to their Director, and sayeth unto him: "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the

A six-year-old boy came home from playing at his friend's house and told his mother that he had broken a lamp when he threw a football. "It's all right, mum," he said, brightly; "you don't have to buy them another! Charlie's mum said it was irreplaceable!"

So, this guy walks into a bar. And says, "ouch".

I went to a wedding the other day. Two antennas were getting married. It wasn't much of a wedding ceremony, but it was one heck of a reception!

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed." The sky darkens and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So with the stone he bashes the life out of the chief. Standing above the lifeless body, breathing heavily looking at 100 angry natives... The voice booms out again, "Okay... NOW you're screwed."

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob!

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? Utter destruction.

A white horse walked into a bar. The barman saw him and said, "We have a whiskey named after you!" The horse looked puzzled and said, "What, Eric?"

One day a couple of kids named "Poop", "Shut-Up", and "Manners" were on a bus. All of a sudden Poop falls out of the window! Manners jumps out of the bus to save him. So, Shut-Up runs to the bus driver to get some help. The bus driver asks him, "What's your name?!" "Shut-Up." At this point the bus driver is mad. He asks, "Where are your manners?!" Shut-Up replies, "Outside picking up Poop."