Popular Jokes
College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
Name: _____________________________
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
___ (a) build a bridge
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
___ (a) Jewish
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Hindu
___ (d) Polish
___ (e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and th
One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church. As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please don't let me be late to church. Please don't let me be late to church...." And, as she was running she tripped and fell.
When she got back up she began praying again, Please, God don't let me be late to church -- but don't shove me either!
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?" The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." He makes an eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs yet anothe
The worst (and wealthiest) member of Augusta approached Ben Crenshaw after the Master's Tournament. He challenged him to a match - double or nothing the prize money he had just one. Crenshaw was hesitant but, hey, who doesn't need more money, right?
To make it fair he offered the guy any handicap he wanted. The member requested two gottcha's. Crenshaw wasn't sure what a gottcha was but since the man was insistent, he agreed.
They went out to the first tee and the member took a swing at his ball and sliced mightily. Crenshaw got up and teed up his ball. The guy came up behind Crenshaw and swung his driver hard between Crenshaw's legs. "GOTTCHA!" he screamed.
Crenshaw squirmed in agony,
A panda walks into a bar and eats lunch. When he is finished he shoots the waiter and leaves.
The owner ran after the panda and asked him why he did such and thing. The panda replied, "Look up the word 'panda' in the dictionary."
The owner did so and it read, "Panadas are black and white animals. They eat shoots and leaves."
What did the baby lightbulb say to his mother?
I wuv you watts and watts!
Barry calls his boss. "I'm having problems with my eyes."
"What's wrong with them?" his boss asks.
"I just can't see myself coming into work today."
This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.
"Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named "Mighty Storm"?
"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."
"Why is my sister named "Cornflower"?
"Well, your father and I were in a cornfield, when we made her."
"And why is my other sister called "Moonchild"?
"We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."
"Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"
Acquaintance: A person you know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Bachelor: A guy who gets to keep all his take-home pay.
Pedestrian: A father who has teenagers who can drive.
Honesty: The fear of being caught.
Zebra: A horse prisoner.
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