Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity. (Source: Outside Magazine) Grand Canyon National Park... Was this man-made? Do you light it up at night? I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom - where is it? So where are the faces of the presidents? Everglades National Park... Are the alligators real? Are the baby alligators for sale? Where are all the rides? What time does the two o'clock bus leave? Denali National Park (Alaska)... What time do you feed the bears? Can you show me where the yeti lives? How often do you mow the tundra? How much does Mount McKinley

Two fat men took part in a marathon. One ran in short bursts, and the other ran in burst shorts.

SO GREASY Yo momma's so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid! Yo momma's so greasy she sweats Crisco! Yo momma's so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her! SO NASTY Yo momma's so nasty, she made speed stick slow down! Yo momma's so nasty, she brings crabs to the beach! Yo momma's so nasty, she made the right guard turn left! Yo momma's so nasty, the fishery paid her to leave! Yo momma's so nasty, she has to creep up on bathwater! Yo momma's so nasty, she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh! Yo momma's so nasty, I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection. SO POOR Yo momma's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her

California • A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits. • Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit. • Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. • A regulation in San Francisco makes it unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a car wash. • Arcadia: Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways. • A server in California can be convicted of selling to a minor if the purchaser uses a false or altered ID to buy the alcohol. • Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a b

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon." "Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The t

Frank was getting ready to go on a trip to New York for the first time, and was talking to his friend Bill. Bill: "While you are in New York, there is a bar that you have to go to. When you walk through the front door, you are handed a free drink. Then you can go to the back room and get laid. Come back up to the bar, and you get another free drink. Then you can get laid again. It goes on like this all night." Frank: "That sounds unbelievable. Have you really been there?" Bill: "No, but my sister has."

There was a quirky breed of dinosaur called an "Adoptosaurus". Adoptosauruses laid eggs and often times forgot where they laid them or whose eggs were who's. Basically, they "adopted" the eggs they found and claimed them as their own. Adoptosauruses didn't eat meat because it wasn't apart of their dino-religion. They thought eating meat made dinosaurs fat and have wrinkly skin. Adoptosauruses ate flowers because they thought it made them smell good. They thought they were the best of all the dinosaurs. Maybe they went extinct so fast because their babies got hungry and ate each other, or the T-rexes found them and ate them, or maybe they were just stupid dinosaurs that adopted their own eg

Excuse Notes from Parents ... These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston... My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words were crossed out in the ( )'s] Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's faul

There was a nearly-new television for sale the other day. It has a 42-inch plasma screen, and I bought it for $50. The only thing wrong was that there was no volume control - but at that price, I couldn't turn it down!

Outside the Bristol Zoo, in England, there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 coaches, or buses. It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars £1 (about $1.40) and coaches £5 (about $7). This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years. Then, one day, he just didn't turn up for work. "Oh well", said Bristol Zoo Management, "we'd better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant . . ." "Actually," said the Council, "that parking lot is your responsibility." "Surely," said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?" "Err . . . NO!" insisted the Council. Sitting in his vil

A Reform Rabbi was so compulsive a golfer that once, on Yom Kippur, he left the house early and went out for a quick nine holes by himself. An angel who happened to be looking on immediately notified his superiors that a grievous sin was being committed. On the sixth hole, God caused a mighty wind to take the ball directly from the tee to the cup — a miraculous shot. The angel was horrified. "A hole in one!" he exclaimed, "You call this a punishment, Lord?!" Answered God with a sly smile, "So who can he tell?"

What a coincidence: "Brezhnev died, but his body lives on."