Popular Jokes
A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.
He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period."
He says "That doesn't matter."
So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.
A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.
So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.
The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.
The officer asks him what he is doing? He says licking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"
2. Australia Version
A recent survey in Australia asked the following question:
Are there too many foreigners in this country now?
Answer:
18% said: YES
82% said: Ù
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٠اÙعاÙÙ
٠بÙا! Ø´Ù
Patient: Doctor, doctor, I know a person who is an owl.
Doctor: Who?
Patient: Now I know two.
Doctor: "Did you take the patient's temperature?"
Nurse: "No. Is it missing?"
The Godfather was dying.
He summoned one of his godsons and said softly, "Mikey, before I go, I gotta ask one favor."
"Yes, godfather, anything," said Mikey. "I worship you." The old man's eyes narrowed. "I want you to go to my bathroom and masturbate."
The lad looked around uneasily. "I dunno, boss. That's kinda embarrassing." "Who raised you as if you were my own?" demanded the Godfather. "This one thing you can't do for me?"
The young man realized his error and agreed to the request. When he returned, the old man said, "One more request?"
"Sure, godfather, anything," said Mikey.
"Do it again!"
"What? I just did it," protested Mikey. "Who gave you money, clothes, girls, huh? And you
As part of a class project, the teacher had every student create a model rocket. When she was teaching them about how the rockets lift into the air, some kids seemed to be confused. She scolded them yelling, "It's not that hard! It's not rocket science!"
10. If it's wet make it dry.
9. If it's dry make it wet.
8. Always ask for on-call pay before agreeing to overtime.
7. Never tell management what you are really thinking.
6. Never finish report with, "You have an easy assignment".
5. Never say. "This looks like a easy assignment".
4. Don't expect nurses aids to do their job.
3. Don't expect doctors to believe any thing you tell them.
2. If you don't have enough time to do everything, take about 30 minutes to complain about it.
1. If it moves, rattles, shakes, falls down, or won't stay in place, tape it.
This is a collection of a few of the Redneck lines I've heard (and can remember) over the years . . .
You know you're a redneck when:
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
Your wife weighs more than your refrigerator.
Your shopping list only has beer on it.
The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
Your "pet" eats more than y
NFL - National Farting Legends
BC - Before Comedy
BAD - Being A Dumbass
BEG - Big Evil Grin
BF - Begging Forgiveness
AA - Admirable Alcoholics
NASA - Never Associate Sex with Aircrafts
AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse
ATLA - Another Three Letter Acronym
BANANA - Being A Nuisance And Never Apologizing
BFI - Bunch of F***ing Idiots
BICBW - But I Could Be Wrong (used rarely)
BMTIPG - Brilliant Minds Think In Parallel Gutters
BSOD - Blue Screen Of Death
CADET - Can't Add, Doesn't Even Try
COTFLGOHAHA - Crawling On The Floor Laughing Guts Out And Having A Heart Attack (why don't we see this more often?)
CPF - Can Pigs Fly? (well can they???)
CRAFT - Can't Remember A F***ing Thi
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