In "The Greatest Story Ever Told", John Wayne played a centurion at the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. One of his lines was, "Truly he is the Son of God!" The director felt John W. wasn't putting enough into it, and asked him to deliver the line again, but with a little more emphasis - "to put some awe into it". "OK," says John, "Awww - truly he is the Son of God!"

Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity. (Source: Outside Magazine) Grand Canyon National Park... Was this man-made? Do you light it up at night? I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom - where is it? So where are the faces of the presidents? Everglades National Park... Are the alligators real? Are the baby alligators for sale? Where are all the rides? What time does the two o'clock bus leave? Denali National Park (Alaska)... What time do you feed the bears? Can you show me where the yeti lives? How often do you mow the tundra? How much does Mount McKinley

Harassment: The teacher asked Paco to use "harassment" in a sentence. Paco smiles and says......... "Orale vato (homeboy)...Mi ruca (my girl) caught me in bed with my sancha (lover), pero ( but) that's okay porque (because) I told her that... HAR ASS MENT nothing to me."

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television." Jill, age 6. "Love is foolish.....but I might try it sometime." Floyd, age 9. "Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place...we were behind a tree." Carey, age 7. THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER "Sensitivity don't hurt." Robbie, age 8. SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU "Shake your hips and hope for the best." Camille, age 9. "Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there." Manuel, age 8. HOW CAN YOU TELL IF ADULTS EATING DINNER IN A RESTAURANT ARE

A group of young children was sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" "It goes moo." "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" "It goes meow." "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" "It goes baaa." "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" "Errr..it goes.. click!"

SO GREASY Yo momma's so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid! Yo momma's so greasy she sweats Crisco! Yo momma's so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her! SO NASTY Yo momma's so nasty, she made speed stick slow down! Yo momma's so nasty, she brings crabs to the beach! Yo momma's so nasty, she made the right guard turn left! Yo momma's so nasty, the fishery paid her to leave! Yo momma's so nasty, she has to creep up on bathwater! Yo momma's so nasty, she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh! Yo momma's so nasty, I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection. SO POOR Yo momma's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her

The children in the Sunday school class were asked by their teacher to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. When she looked at little Ricky's picture, she was puzzled to see that he had drawn four people in an airplane, so she asked him which story it represented. Little Ricky replied, "That's the Flight to Egypt." "Oh, I see," said the teacher. "That must be Mary, Joseph and the Baby Jesus, but who's the fourth person?" "That's Pontius ... the Pilot!" answered Ricky.

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. He gave the organist a copy of the service and asked her if she could come up with some kind of inspirational music to play, after he made the announcement about the finances, to help put the congregation in a giving mood. "Don't worry, I'll come up with something," she said. During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and sisters, we find ourselves in great difficulty. The cost of the roof repairs is twice as much as we expected, and we need $4000 more. Any of you who are able to pledge $100 or more,

Are Dogs Welcome? A man wrote a letter to a small hotel located in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is very well behaved and well groomed. I would like to know if I would be permitted to keep him in my room with me at night." The hotel owner sent a reply immediately, which said, "I have been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I have never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or anything else. I have never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly, nor have I ever had a dog run out on a hotel bill. "Yes, indeed," continued his reply, "your dog is

What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl? A cock that stays up all night!

1. Introduction The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavored to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage. 2. Food In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain foo

A blonde was driving along in her car one day, when she noticed a man at the side of the road, eating grass. She pulled over and asked him "Why are you eating the grass?" The man replied, "I'm too poor to afford any food, so I have to eat the grass to stay alive." The blonde said to him, "Don't worry, you can come back to my house and I'll give you food." The man, overjoyed, asked the blonde, "But why are you helping me?" She replied, "Well, I like cows." The man, who didn't think he'd heard her properly, repeated the question. "Why do you want to help me?" She said "Because cows eat grass, so you must be a cow."