1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter 2. Log off: Don't add no more wood 3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove 4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck 5. Floppy Disk: What you fet from trying to carry to much firewood 6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood 7. Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter 8. Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire" 9. Window: What to shut when it's cold outside 10. Screen: What to shut in fly season 11. Byte: What flies do 12. Bit: What the flies did 13. Mega Byte:

One day when Jimmy was at school, the teacher told him that for his homework he had to write out the first three letters of the alphabet. When he went home he was struggling so decided to ask his mum. His mum was in the kitchen cutting the salad when he asked her "Mum, what is the first letter of the alphabet?" Just as he had finished asking this question his mum sliced her finger open and shouted "SHIT!!!" Jimmy wrote this down and went outside to see his older brother. He asked him "big brother, whet is the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother was crouched on the floor talking to a drugged up teenager and jimmy heard him say "only if you give me some heroin!" Jimmy wrote this do

Q: How many FBI agents does it take to change a light bulb? A: I'm afraid that you are not able to receive this classified information.

A little girl and her father decided to go to church, because her father wanted to introduce her to the Christian World. As they sat down, a collection plate begins to be passed around. As the plate came to the girl's father, he searches his pockets for money. Then his daughter whispers in his ear, "Don't worry Daddy, I'm already free and covered.... I'm under 5."

10 sentences teachers say (and their true meanings) 1. This book is very commonly used (I also studied from it 40 years ago) 2. It's important to understand what the material means in general (I'm not good with details) 3. Some might say... (My guess is...) 4. The answer to that question is not in the syllabus (I don't know the answer to your question) 5. We'll discuss that question next week (I don't know the answer to your question) 6. I'll let you search in the dictionary and find out (I don't know how to spell that word) 7. Some of you could have succeeded more in the test (You all failed) 8. Are there any questions about the material we learned last lesson? (Did any of you revie

During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied: "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

40-ish.....................................52 and looking for 25-yr-old Athletic.................. .................Watches a lot of NASCAR Average looking...........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, &back Educated..............................Will patronize the shit out of you Free Spirit........... ...................Banging your sister Friendship first...................As long as friendship involves nookie Fun.................................Good with a remote and a six pack Good looking...........................Arrogant Very good looking....................Dumb as a board Honest....................................Pathological Liar Huggable.......................Overweight, more bo

A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. When he landed at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree, and with a sigh started to climb. About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing. Watching these proceedings from the end

Q: How do you recognize a blonde in school? A: They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.

Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!

Johnny and his mother were having a parent-teacher conference. MOTHER: Johnny really enjoys having you as a teacher, Mrs. Bengal. JOHNNY: Really? I didn't know it was opposite day!