I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add to it.

You should have no doubt in your mind that you are in a redneck family..... When your uncle drunkenly approaches you, slaps you on the back, grabs your face and murmurs "Heaeh kiiiiiiid, I think it's a good thing I used a condum. And walks off slowy, mumbling. "Cause your mamoo gets realy piiist when she's pregnant........" And in disbelief, you look around to find your mom.

Knock,knock.... Who's there? Fortification. Fortification who? Fortification, we're going to Miami. --------------------------------------------- Knock,knock.... Who's there? Carl. Carl who? Carl get you there faster than a bike. -----------------------------------------------

Knock-Knock Who's there? Me Me who? Who the hell is me-who???

How many feet does a black rooster have? How many wings does a black rooster have? How many heads does a black rooster have? How many hairs are on the back of a white cat? Why is it that you know more about a black cock rather than a white pussy?

What was the blonde college student doing at the harbor? Looking for an internship.

Amy was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a game on TV. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this, there's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season tickets." "Hmmm," her husband said, not bothering to look away from the game. Amy said teasingly, "Would you swap me for season tickets?" "Absolutely not," he said, "season's more than half over."

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What's the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I create a New Document window? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document? A: Don't shake it.

You might be a redneck if you ride the electric floorbuffer and mistake it for your wife!!

The sky was dark The moon was high We were alone Just she and I Her hair was brown Her eyes were too I knew just what She wanted to do So with my courage I did my best And placed my hand Upon her breast I trembled and shook And felt her heart Slowly she spread Her legs apart I knew she was ready But I didn't know how It was my first try At milking a cow

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator 1) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5) Meow occasionally. 6) Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly 7) Say "Ding" at each floor. 8) Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons. 9) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a b

Teacher: "Simon! What does it mean if the barometer falls?" Simon: "Err.. The nail's come out of the wall, miss?"