A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine. "No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one." The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?" "Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two cents." "OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."

A blonde, brunette, and redhead all go into a building to take an emergency course. After a few minutes of introductions, the instructor of the course starts to talk about fire. "Wherever you see a fire, you need to call 911, imediately." After an hour or so of the lecture, the brunette makes an excuse to get out of there, by saying she needs a drink. 2 minutes later she comes running back in, with fire fighters behind her, and she yells, "There's a fire!" They all run out, and after a few minutes the fire fighters come back out, and say, "We can not find a fire." The blonde suddenly screams out "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT" she gestures towards the redhead, "THE FIRE IS ON HER HEAD."

Joseph, a rather religous man with a rather large sweet-tooth, had voleentered at the church bake sale. Business was booming, at least around noon, but by two o'clock, it was practically barren. While no one was looking he took a donut from the table. On his way home he started to feel guilty. "It was just one donut," he told himself "just one dollar, thats all." "But it was a dollar that the church should have." Another side told him. It continued this was for the rest of drive. When he got home his wife was setting dinner on the table. It was a beatiful Sunday ham. After dinner she took out a heavenly fresh cherry pie. He refused to eat it. He couldnt even look at another pastry and si

You're as bright as a broken lightbulb!

This story takes place in a very specific year. Somewhere in the future. A year after Bush leaves office. -------------------------------- Part 1. A Space mission Place: In a rocket in space. Notes: names such as Junior and Senior are just rankings on the shuttle. -------------------------------- Senior: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JUNIOR? Junior: Getting a donut. Senior: Yeah, but look at which donut it is. Junior: Chocolate with colorful sprinkles. Senior: YEAH! ONLY SENIOR RANKINGS GET SPRINKLES! Junior: Yeah! Wadaya gonna do? Senior: DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU! Piolot: Guys, we have a problem. Junior: What is it? Senior: Shut up, Junior, let a sopisticated Senior do this. What is the problem? Piolo

Why do chicken coops have two doors? Because if it had four doors it'd be a chicken sedan.

Confucius say... ~He who value skin does not wash cat

A man walks into a bar and throws down a bet. 100 dollars to anyone who can do 100 pushups. A man disappears outside and returns minutes later. "I'll take that bet" the man says, and collapses after 50 pushups. "I don't get it", he says," I just did 150 outside!"

A nice girl brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiance to his study for a chat. "So, what are your plans?" the father asks the fiance. "I am a Biblical scholar," he replies. "A Biblical scholar. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "...and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" "I will concentrate on my studies, God will provide for us." "And children? How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will pr

A teacher is explaining Biology to her 4th grade students, "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says. A little girl raises her hand, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered," she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. "Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!" "That must have been scary," said the teacher. "It sure was,"said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say 'F*ck,' the rottweiler ate him!"

Yo momma's so dumb, she tells you Yo Momma jokes!

Two fat men took part in a marathon. One ran in short bursts, and the other ran in burst shorts.