Knock-Knock, Who's there? Alarm. Alarm who? Alarm the cops about all the partying I've been having!!

Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A: A quarter pounder with cheese.

Oh, the network outside is frightful, But on campus, it's so delightful, Our packets have nowhere to go, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. It doesn't show signs of stopping, All our packets, our hosts are dropping; Bandwidth is turned way down low, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. When we finally connect to a site, It's time to go back to the dorm; But if I could stay here all night, I could submit their Web form. The network is slowly dying, And, I fear, we're still denying, But as long as Sprint is the way to go, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

Teacher: Paul, what is the chemical formula of water? Paul: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O Teacher: What is this? Paul: Well, you said it is H2O! ------------------------------------------------------- Teacher : Mike, get up! How can you sleep in my class? Mike : I can Mr, if you keep your voice down. ----------------------------------------------------------- Teacher : Where does God live? Little boy : I think he lives in our bathroom. Teacher: Why do you say that? Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?' ---------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: "Annie! stop showing off! Do you think you are the teacher of

Kid's Instructions on Life... "Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." - Rocky, age 9 "Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." - Stephanie, age 8 "Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." - Lamar, age 10 "Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes." - Carrol, age 9 "Don't ever be too full for dessert." - Kelly, age 10 "Never spit when on a roller coaster." - Scott, age 11 "Never do pranks at a police station." - Sam, age 10 "Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." - Rob, age 10 "Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." - Hank, age 12 "Remember you're never too o

A family had lived in Brooklyn for three years, and their eight-year-old son had attended a Brooklyn public school for the past two years. The people of Brooklyn are renowned for their unusual, if not unique, manner of speaking, and the two years of school had given the young fellow an accent that would be recognizable anywhere in the English-speaking world. The parents were concerned about this, for they were from Virginia, and did not think it proper that their son should speak in such a manner...excuse me, mannah. They were well-to-do, so they imported a nanny from their home state, with instructions to Get The Brooklyn Out Of That Boy's Mouth. Saturday morning, the nanny took the lad

A fat woman and a slim woman were both smoking cigarettes; which one finished hers first? The fat woman - she takes bigger draws.

Why did the tent agree to stand up all night? He was roped into it!

Ah - The things you see with. Ay-rab - The people who inhabit much of North Africa. Bidness - The art of selling something for more than you paid for it. Bobbycue - A delectable Southern sandwich of chopped pork, coleslaw, and a fiery sauce. Bud - Small feathered creature that flies. Chekatawfarya - Heard at service stations in small Southern towns. Co-Cola - Soft drink. Crine - Weeping. Dawfins - Name of the professional football team in Miami. Doc - A condition caused by the absence of light. Etlanna - The city General Sherman burned during the war for Southern independence. Everthang - All-encompassing. Foller - Spies and private detectives spend a lot of time doing this. Git - To acquire

Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer. The nun answered, "That would be good, but I'd be uneasy about purchasing it." The 1st nun said she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look on her face, so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers."

There are two ants living in a girl's pair of panties. One day they decide to go exploring in the caves. They said to meet back in the same spot in and hour. So, one ant went in one cave, and the other ant in a different cave. After an hour went by, the two ants met back up. One ant was covered in brown, sticky, smelly stuff. "Eeew!, What was your cave like" asked the other ant. "It was nice at first, but it soon became really smelly and the walls were all dark and sticky" replied the ant. "So how was your cave ?". "Well" he said, "It was lovely at first, all pink and warm, but then this bald guy started head butting me and then spitting on me."

If you were attacked by giant mutants, what would you do? Most people would run. Some would hide, and the video recorders would record it and put it on television. Last week, humans won a war against giant vicious demons called, "Razzoopis". Razzoopis are Godzilla-sized monsters that have rock hard bodies, and breath fire. No one knows why it came, or how it was defeated, but the other humans had a feeling that the humans gave back its baby.