What do you get when you cross a praying mantis with a termite? A bug that says grace before eating your house.

Knock-Knock, Who's there? Alarm. Alarm who? Alarm the cops about all the partying I've been having!!

A blond and her friends went to a bank to rob it. The blond's job was to get the code for the vault they wanted to rob. Finally, the blond came back to the vault and began punching in numbers. Each time she typed in a number it beeped a different sound. A friend asked, "Do you know the code?" The blond said, "No, but listen." She made a whole bunch of beeps then said, "It's the funky town music!"

Ronnie never listens in science class because he says it's boring.. One day his teacher asked, "Ronnie, What are the 3 states of matter?" Since he heard his name he did listen to the question. So he thinks for a second and replies, "Texas, Florida, and Arkansas!"

A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a park talking. A young boy walks by, the priest says "Hey, you want to screw him?" and the rabbi says "Out of what?"

A blonde and a brunette are walking along the sidewalk, and the brunette says she is dying of thirst and wants Dr. Pepper. The blonde runs across town into the nearest hospital and asks the receptionist for Dr. Pepper. The receptionist says OK, and hands her a bottle of soda. The blonde says, "What do you think this is? A Joke? My friend is dying and needs to see Dr. Pepper right away!!!"

A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."

Oh, the network outside is frightful, But on campus, it's so delightful, Our packets have nowhere to go, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. It doesn't show signs of stopping, All our packets, our hosts are dropping; Bandwidth is turned way down low, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. When we finally connect to a site, It's time to go back to the dorm; But if I could stay here all night, I could submit their Web form. The network is slowly dying, And, I fear, we're still denying, But as long as Sprint is the way to go, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

One day a blonde was surfing the internet. After a few hours, she decided to have a coffee break. When the blonde came back, she screamed. There was a bug on her moniter! She ran upstairs and grabbed a fly swatter. When she came back down she couldn't swat the bug. It was to big! The blonde then remembered the label on the computer, for people having technical difficulties. After a while of searching, she found the label. She called the number immediately. "Hello, this is Dell technical difficulties station", a man on the other side said. "Hey, there's a bug on my monitor, and I tried swatting it, but it won't come off!" The blonde cried. The man replied, "Well, the solution is simple.

One day, there was a powerful slide, and when you go down on it, you wish for something and you get it. One guy goes down the slide, and says, "A pot of gold," and he gets it. Another guy goes down and says, "A pot of silver," and he gets it. The third guy says, "Weeee," and he gets a pot of wee!

Once,there was a teacher and a girl named Wendy.The teacher asked for Wendy to say a sentence starting with the word I. So wendy started to say I is....Then the teacher said, "No Wendy, it is I am." So Wendy said, "I am the ninth letter if the alphabet."

One day a man was watching a show that shows how people make candy bars (by the way he has one in his hand). About halfway through the show, his son comes in asks him if he could ask him a question. The man says yes so his son asks him, "Where can most criminals be found?" The Man answers, "Behind candy bars" "My point exactly," the son replies. (The son found 12 dollars to missing the day before and his father was the only who could take it given the circumstances at the time.) A couple weeks later the man finds many of his personal items go missing. Then, one day when found his watch missing and he realizes his son took it. So the man waited until his son took out a candy bar for