One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe.? "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.? "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A: They all have phones.

Knock Knock. Who's there? To. To who? To you.

A blonde and a brunette are in an elevator when a good-looking man enters. They notice that, though he is very handsome, he has very bad dandruff. He gets off at his floor, and when the doors close, the brunette looks at the blond and says, "Someone needs to give him some Head and Shoulders". The blonde replies, "How do you give someone shoulders?"

You know your a redneck when there are 15 cars in your driveway, and the only one that moves is your house.

Knock-knock. Who's there? Terra. Terra who? Terra reason you won't let me in?

Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job? A: He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!

"Somebody complimented on my driving today," a blonde told her friend, "I found a note on my windshield that said'Parking Fine'."

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tracks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"

For all of you who say I need anger management... Just to let you know, if I could control my anger, I'd destroy you with it!

You Know You're From Canada When... 1.) You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk." 2.) You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield." 3.) You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars. 4.) You drink pop, not soda. 5.) You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean. 6.) You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars. 7.) You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway. 8.) You drive on a highway, not a freeway. 9.) You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers. 10.) You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group. 11.) You get excited w