Popular Jokes
Man#1 is mowing his lawn when 2 hearses come down his street going very very slowly. The hearses are followed by a man walking a dog. And behind the man and the dog is a line of men walking single-file. There must have been 5 or 6 dozen men following. Curious about the procession Man#1 runs to catch up with Man#2 and his dog.
Man#1 asks Man#2 who's in the first hearse.
Man#2 replies, "My wife. My dog bit her. And she died in the hospital a bit later."
Man#1 says, "I'm so very sorry for your loss. Mind if I ask who's in the second hearse?"
Man#2 says, "Not at all, it's my mother in law. My dog also bit her and she died later in the hospital."
Man#1 replies, "Can I borrow your dog?"
Man#2, "Ge
Q. How many car salesmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I'm just going to work this out on my calculator, and I think you're going to be pleasantly surprised.
A couple is having a nice dinner at a local restaurant, having a good time telling blonde jokes. Suddenly a blonde approached them and slapped her hand down on the table. She angrily tells them that she can take a blonde joke as well as the next person, but it isn't nice to keep bashing them in public.
The couple apologize and changes the topic.
A few minutes later the woman needs to go to the restroom, so she goes off, and she is followed by the blonde.
After 10 minutes the blonde comes out frusturated, and storms out the front door. The woman calmly comes out and sits down at her table.
The man asks what happened in there.
The woman replies, "Well, as I was washing my hands, the blonde cam
A woman was watching her son pitch in a little league baseball. He wasn't very good, walking all of the batters that came up to bat, but after every pitch, the mom was yelling wildy and cheering her wonderful son on. Because of all the batters he had walked, the score was 14-0 in the 1st inning. Finally, one little boy came up, hit a grounder, and made it safely to first. "Dang it," the mother muttered, "there goes his no-hitter."
"Your late teeing off, Fred."
"Yup, well being Sunday I had to toss a coin to see if I should go to church, or to play golf"
"But why are you so late?"
"I had to toss for it fifteen times!"
A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee.
She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"
Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV-'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?"
A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a lea
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