What was the blonde college student doing at the harbor? Looking for an internship.

Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school yard. Each was bragging about how great their fathers are. The first one said: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!" The second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast? My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!" Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "Sorry, dudes... but MY DAD is the fastest. He's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30,... and he's home by 3:45!"

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling

Question: What did the frog order at McDonald's? Answer: An order of french flies and a diet croak!!

Relish today, ketchup tomorrow! A hamburger walks into the bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here." I wanted to be a mime, but I talked myself out of it. Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

I once asked a foreign person if i could bang on his drum, he told me, "You can't bang on my drum, but you can bang on my bum!" -If this ever happens to you, run!

One day a blonde was surfing the internet. After a few hours, she decided to have a coffee break. When the blonde came back, she screamed. There was a bug on her moniter! She ran upstairs and grabbed a fly swatter. When she came back down she couldn't swat the bug. It was to big! The blonde then remembered the label on the computer, for people having technical difficulties. After a while of searching, she found the label. She called the number immediately. "Hello, this is Dell technical difficulties station", a man on the other side said. "Hey, there's a bug on my monitor, and I tried swatting it, but it won't come off!" The blonde cried. The man replied, "Well, the solution is simple.

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered. "Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?" "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!" "Yeah,"

The sky was dark The moon was high We were alone Just she and I Her hair was brown Her eyes were too I knew just what She wanted to do So with my courage I did my best And placed my hand Upon her breast I trembled and shook And felt her heart Slowly she spread Her legs apart I knew she was ready But I didn't know how It was my first try At milking a cow

A fortune teller escaped from prison and became a small medium at large.

Yo momma so fat she jumped of the Golden Gate bridge in San Fransisco and baptised England.

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine. "No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one." The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?" "Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two cents." "OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."