NFL - National Farting Legends BC - Before Comedy BAD - Being A Dumbass BEG - Big Evil Grin BF - Begging Forgiveness AA - Admirable Alcoholics NASA - Never Associate Sex with Aircrafts AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse ATLA - Another Three Letter Acronym BANANA - Being A Nuisance And Never Apologizing BFI - Bunch of F***ing Idiots BICBW - But I Could Be Wrong (used rarely) BMTIPG - Brilliant Minds Think In Parallel Gutters BSOD - Blue Screen Of Death CADET - Can't Add, Doesn't Even Try COTFLGOHAHA - Crawling On The Floor Laughing Guts Out And Having A Heart Attack (why don't we see this more often?) CPF - Can Pigs Fly? (well can they???) CRAFT - Can't Remember A F***ing Thi

Take this quiz to see if you are an idiot or not. If you make just one single mistake, you are an idiot. Ready? 1.George Washington, who was born in 1732, was born in what year? 2.The second war of the world, known as the World War II, is known as what? 3.What is the answer to one hundred plus one hundred, given that one hundred plus one hundred is two hundred? 4.What punctuation mark is used after this sentence, which is a question mark? 5.This joke, who was written by xJOKERx, was written by who? 6.If an elephant is bigger than a mouse, is a mouse bigger than an elephant? 7.If this question has thirteen words, how many words does this question have? 8.If you are currently reading this jok

A special kind of firework with very bright colors and little smoke was accidentally discovered when a man tried to make the atomic bomb safer. That defeats the original purpose.

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian, and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, the police German, and it is all organized by the Italians.

During the famine of the civil war, a delegation of starving peasants comes to the Smolny, wishing to file a petition. "We have even started eating the grass like horses," says one peasant. "Soon we will start neighing like horses!" "Come on! Don't worry!" says Lenin reassuringly. "We are drinking tea with honey here, and we are not buzzing like bees, are we?"

When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it. When the going gets tough, upgrade. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. He who laughs last probably made a back-up. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

antique-an item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you're buying again.

What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron.

What if people bought cars like they buy Computers? The car companies don't have help lines for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, imagine if they did..... Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you? Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened! Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it? Customer: What's an ignition? Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine. Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms to use my car. Helpline: Toyota Helpline, how can I help you? Customer: M

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Mary led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher. Little Sally was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events." "Very good, Sally," said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a

What's the difference between a Ford and a golf ball? You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

Knock Knock! Who's there? Yo da lay he. Yo da lay he who? I didn't know you could yodel!