One to his friend: "My little brother started walking last week!" The other friend: "Where did he go? He should be kilometers away!"

Knock-Knock Who's there Jack Jack Who I don't know any jack

You know your a redneck when there are 15 cars in your driveway, and the only one that moves is your house.

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one has ever been before, but they decide to go anyway. They take a couple of guns and a hunting dog and head out into the woods. A few hours later, they still haven't caught anything. "I don't get it," says the first blonde. "Why haven't we caught anything yet?" The second blonde says,"I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough."

knock-knock. who's there? yo mama. yo mama who? this is yo mama stop playing.

Some common phrases that bees should know: Are you are hipbee? How comb? Hive already finished.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And

A man arrives at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells him that he will remain frozen until his whole family is there. That way, it would stop him from doing anything NOT with his family. So, a couple years pass, and his wife appeared in heaven. She had died of age. She was frozen along with her spouse. One more year passes, and one of their two kids arrive. He had died because he was shot. He was frozen along with them. They all watch many more people enter heaven. They suddenly saw the milkman enter heaven. He did NOT have any family; he was adopted. But for some reason, he was frozen along with them. The woman and the milkman's eyes each grew very big. Finally, the last

NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose. VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern. BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark -- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the m

What do you get when you cross a praying mantis with a termite? A bug that says grace before eating your house.

This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts. Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her." Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news." Again the guy interrupts. Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?" Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay

Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road? A: To take over the other side.