Why do mathematicians like national parks? Because of the natural logs.

Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money some day. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. The head of Goldman, Sachs, owns that one over there, and look at that huge yacht out there - that's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," his friend said, "why aren't there

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer: What's 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm... 4! Officer: What's the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm... 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.' This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age. A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. "Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen." The mayor start

Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left." So they went home.

A man asked people for fifty-thousand dollars for his talking dog. He brings him into the bar, but the bartender doesn't believe the dog can talk so the guy asks the dog, "What's the opposite of smooth?" The dog says, "Rough." And then the guy asks the dog, "What's the part of the house that has the chimney sticking out of it?" "Roof." "And who was the great homerun hitter in the twenties and thirties?" "Ruth!" The bartender says, "You big fake, get that dog out of here." So the guy and his dog go outside. Then the dog says, "What was I supposed to say? Mel Ott?"

There was once this guy who was on a quest to cross the Sahara desert solo, we will call him Simon, for that is a good name for a camel rider. Well he started out and things were going along just fine for weeks, however gradually he noticed a change in his camel, slowly but surely it seemed to be traveling slower and slower. It had been a while since he had drunk water but camels were supposed to be able to survive for long periods without water he thought to himself. Well eventually the poor ol' camel just stopped altogether. "Great!" thought Simon, "now I'm really in trouble". After some time trying to pull the camel, push the camel and do anything he could to get the camel moving, he

1. Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met. 2. Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today. 3. Ask people if they have seen your pet shark. 4. Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys. 5. Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim. 6. Hit strangers with your flutter board. 7. Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you. 8. Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....'' 9. Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move. 10. Swim near a stranger and say, ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had water

A five year old boy was living with his mother, as his parents had divorced. One Sunday, she decided to take him to the zoo for the first time in his life. As they passed the various assortment of animals, she would tell the little boy what they were called and make him repeat it. After the lions, gorillas, giraffes and bears, they came upon the elephant exhibit. "That's an elephant", the mother said. After the child repeated after her, he asked, "Mommy? What's that thing hanging down from the elephant?" The mother replied, "That's his trunk, sweetheart." "No, no", said the child, "Behind that!" "Oh, that's his tail", she said. "No, no!" the boy exclaimed. "That thing in the midd

Children certainly brighten up a home. Who ever saw a child under 12 turn off an electric light?

A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"

How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb? Only one - but he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it.