Want to hear a clean joke? Bob took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is Bobs neighbor.

Question: What is the best way to get rid of Irish people? Answer: Throw a dollar off of a bridge! Question: What is the best way to get rid of more Irish people? Answer: Say that no one found the dollar yet!

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Paul returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Cindy, that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Paul went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Cindy agrees and again they make love. Later, Paul is getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Cindy's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Paul, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and h

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels nearby. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't." "Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?" "The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00." Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized, shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why, yes sir, this IS a Union House." The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the gi

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand and on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to." So Ole drove to Duluth.

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

There was a man, let's call him Gregory. Gregory was carrying a small box, and he went to another man's house (we'll call him Jebediah) and knocked on the door. When Jebediah answered, Gregory said "I have a proposition for you. Take this box. There is a button inside. If you press the button before I return, someone that you don't know will die. Tomorrow, I will return. If you have pressed the button, I will give you $20,000." Gregory left the box with Jebediah. Jebediah had to consider what he was going to do. Eventually he decided that he didn't care about the person, and he pressed the button. The next day, Gregory returned to take back the box. "Well then, I belive that this is yours,

We child-proofed our home 3 years ago but they're still getting in!

This is a true story that happened in a South African hospital. There was this case in the hospital where a patient always died in the same bed and on a Friday morning regardless of his medical condition. This puzzles the doctors and some even think it has something to do with the supernatural. One day, all the doctors decide to go down to the ward where it always happens on the Friday mornings. They want to take a look at what's going on. Friday morning comes and everyone's at the hospital ward waiting for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. Right at the expected time, the cleaner comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum!