The doctors were talking about their work. "I had great success with one of my patients," said the first doctor. "When he came to me, he thought he was as small as a mouse." "And you cured him?" the second docter asked. "I convinced him that many of the world's greatest men were small," the first docter said, "He was doing quite well. Then - I lost him." "What happened?" "It was an accident," the doctor sighed sadly, "A pussy cat ate him."

Here are some books that should never be written: Workaholism, by Anita Dayoff Never Say Goodbye, by C.U. Latta Crowd Control, by General Panic Amazing Facts, by G. Willikers The Last Supper, by M.T. Potts Fast Food, by Eaton Run The Bee Hive, by I. Ben Stung Turn Off The Light, by Les Watts Cattle Ranching, by Brandon D. Bull Bullfighting Mistakes, by Gordon Bluddy

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And

A man arrives at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells him that he will remain frozen until his whole family is there. That way, it would stop him from doing anything NOT with his family. So, a couple years pass, and his wife appeared in heaven. She had died of age. She was frozen along with her spouse. One more year passes, and one of their two kids arrive. He had died because he was shot. He was frozen along with them. They all watch many more people enter heaven. They suddenly saw the milkman enter heaven. He did NOT have any family; he was adopted. But for some reason, he was frozen along with them. The woman and the milkman's eyes each grew very big. Finally, the last

A young brunette used to always wonder why her blonde best friend would get A's on all her tests and the brunette would get A-'s. She thought that was a little weird, so one day she asked her friend why she got better grades, and her friend said that she just copied the answers out of her book, so the brunette said, "But none of them were open book," and the blonde says, "Oh, that might explain why no one was using their books!"

A young lady came home from a date looking rather sad. She told her mother, "Arthur proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

Teacher: "Johnny, what is the outside of a tree called?" Johnny: "I don't know." Teacher: "Bark, Johnny, bark." Johnny: "Bow, wow, wow!"

What do you get when you cross a praying mantis with a termite? A bug that says grace before eating your house.

Dad: Courtney, do you want penne pasta for dinner? Courtney: No, but I'll have dime or quarter pasta.

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings him his meal. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, exclaiming, "Waitress! There's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what's going on!" So, the waitress takes him back to the kitchen where the cook is, and to the man's demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. The distraught customer says, "That's disgusting!" Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting? You should see him make donuts."

I had a dream that I went to heaven. I was checking in at that gate with the last three presidents of the United States. I watched as George Sr., Bill Clinton, and George Jr. all walked through a bright door with an angel as an escort. I then gave Peter my name at the gate. He checked his book and said "I'm sorry you missed it by an inch, but there is a way to get into heaven if you walk around with an ugly girl for 100 years." I was confused and started complaining that this was not the way heaven was supposed to work. Peter took me to a window next to the bright door where I saw men and women walking around with ugly people as their penance. I became curious about the Presidents b

If you fall down a bottomless pit... do you eventually die of starvation?