Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice? Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient? Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too." The

This story happened about a month ago in a little town in Louisiana, and sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale. This guy is on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night passes slowly and no cars come by. The storm is so strong he can see hardly a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car slowly looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom. It slowly creeps toward him and stops. Reflexively, the guy gets into the car and closes the door, then realizes that there is nobody behind the wheel. The car slowly starts moving again. The guy is terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy sees that the car is slowly approaching a shar

Q. If you are an AMERICAN when you go into the bathroom and you are an AMERICAN when you come out of the bathroom....What are you WHILE you are in the bathroom? A. EUROPEAN... of course!

Jack tells his shrink, "Last night I dreamed you were my mother." "How did you feel about it after you woke up?" asks the psychiatrist. "I overslept," answers Jack. "Then I remembered I had an appointment with you, so I grabbed a Coke and some cookies for breakfast and came right over. I didn't really have time to think about it. What does it mean, doc?" "A Coke and some cookies?" says the psychiatrist. "You call that breakfast?"

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know why it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNT OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact they have been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! A

Mother to teenage daughter: "The bad news is, we're moving to a different city. The good news is, your new school is full of boys who didn't see you get sick in the cafeteria last month."

A man has just been in a car accident and has severe brain damage. So his sister is called in to take care of his medical decisions. First off, the doctor decides the man needs a new brain since his is so badly damaged. So they need to go find a brain for the transplant. They go down to the basement where all the brains are and there are 3 jars. The doctor points to the first jar and says, "That brain belonged to a woman. It will cost your brother $20 a gram." The doctor then points to the second jar, "That will cost you $40 a gram. It once belonged to one of our female doctors and she was quite a brilliant person." The doctor then points to the third jar and says, "That is a brain that once

Q. How many car salesmen does it take to change a light bulb? A. I'm just going to work this out on my calculator, and I think you're going to be pleasantly surprised.

A couple is having a nice dinner at a local restaurant, having a good time telling blonde jokes. Suddenly a blonde approached them and slapped her hand down on the table. She angrily tells them that she can take a blonde joke as well as the next person, but it isn't nice to keep bashing them in public. The couple apologize and changes the topic. A few minutes later the woman needs to go to the restroom, so she goes off, and she is followed by the blonde. After 10 minutes the blonde comes out frusturated, and storms out the front door. The woman calmly comes out and sits down at her table. The man asks what happened in there. The woman replies, "Well, as I was washing my hands, the blonde cam

A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?" The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?" The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray." The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

Bill and Ralph, both of equal ability, decide to have a round together and "play it as it lays" on all shots. Both hit their tee shots on the par-5 first hole down the middle and about 260 yards. They drive up for the second shot, and Bill hits his shot down the middle for an easy approach, but Ralph slices his over the trees and it ends up in the cart path of the adjoining hole. "Guess I get a free drop from the cart path," he says. "Oh no," says Bill, "We agreed. Play it as it lays." So Ralph drives Bill up to his ball in front of the green, drops him off and drives over to his ball on the cart path. Bill watches in amusement as sparks shower down from the practice swings of his opponent