One day a blonde was surfing the internet. After a few hours, she decided to have a coffee break. When the blonde came back, she screamed. There was a bug on her moniter! She ran upstairs and grabbed a fly swatter. When she came back down she couldn't swat the bug. It was to big! The blonde then remembered the label on the computer, for people having technical difficulties. After a while of searching, she found the label. She called the number immediately. "Hello, this is Dell technical difficulties station", a man on the other side said. "Hey, there's a bug on my monitor, and I tried swatting it, but it won't come off!" The blonde cried. The man replied, "Well, the solution is simple.

You know your a redneck if... You tell your kids the facts of life and they interrupt you with corrections. You've ever given your date flowers from a cemetery. You proposed at Denny's. The biggest compliment you got at your wedding was how cute your baby was. You had a marriage license before you had a drivers license. You've ever reused wedding invitations. The last thing your ex-wife ever said to you was "It's me or them dogs." If your wedding invitations ever said "same time same place." At your wedding reception you put Alka-Seltzer in cheap wine to get "Champagne."

A Director said to the actress: "You have to jump from 100 feet into a swimming pool." Actress: "But I dont know how to swim." Director: "I know, that's why I removed all the water from the swimming pool."

GOOD JOKE: A blonde. BETTER JOKE: A blonde playing chess. BEST JOKE: The blonde wins the game.

How do you say constipated in German? farfrompoopin

Once,there was a teacher and a girl named Wendy.The teacher asked for Wendy to say a sentence starting with the word I. So wendy started to say I is....Then the teacher said, "No Wendy, it is I am." So Wendy said, "I am the ninth letter if the alphabet."

Boy(howling): A crab just bit my toe! Father: Which one? Boy: How should I know?!?!?! All crabs look alike to me!!

Bloke stayed up all night, wondering where the sun had gone; then it dawned on him.

Laws of Feline Physics III Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment, multiplied by the amount of human laughter. Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink his weight in milk squared, just to show that he can. Law of Furniture Replacement A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human. Law of Fluid Displacement A cat, immersed in milk, will displace her own volume minus the amount of milk consumed. Law of Cat Disinterest A cat's interest level will vary in inverse p

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None 'o yo' fuckin' business!

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your Mom.

Two blond labourers looking for work arrive at a railway station, and ask for one-way tickets. The ticket-seller looks through his schedule, but can't find the place the blonds are seeking. "But you must be able to find it," says one. "We read in the papers that there are thousands of jobs in Jeopardy!"