A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road. He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period." He says "That doesn't matter." So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out. A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking. So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck. The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer. The officer asks him what he is doing? He says licking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"

If you were attacked by giant mutants, what would you do? Most people would run. Some would hide, and the video recorders would record it and put it on television. Last week, humans won a war against giant vicious demons called, "Razzoopis". Razzoopis are Godzilla-sized monsters that have rock hard bodies, and breath fire. No one knows why it came, or how it was defeated, but the other humans had a feeling that the humans gave back its baby.

What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall? He breaks his nose.

Knock-knock Who's there It's me. This is not a joke. It's me. This is not a joke. who? Grrrrrrrrrr...

"Tomorrow is a boiling hot day, at 10 degrees Fahrenheit. The day after that is the same temperature, as well as the next and the next. Won't these temperatures ever cool down?"

Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money some day. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. The head of Goldman, Sachs, owns that one over there, and look at that huge yacht out there - that's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," his friend said, "why aren't there

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian, and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, the police German, and it is all organized by the Italians.

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments: Exposure A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie's surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds, even pigeons, avoided this potential source of substance. Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam

A judge walks out of his chambers laughing his head off. A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the world!" "Well, go ahead, tell me!" says the other judge. "I can't - I just gave a guy ten years for it!"

What a coincidence: "Brezhnev died, but his body lives on."

Will there be KGB in communism? As you know, in communism, the state will be abolished, together with its means of suppression. People will know how to arrest themselves.

Today, due to bad health and without regaining consciousness Konstantin Ustinovich Chernenko took up the duties of Secretary General.