Popular Jokes
"It's no use. Art doesn't listen to me," said a little boy who was praying for a new bike.
"Art who?" asked the boy's mother.
"Art in heaven," came the reply.
Jacob, a three year old boy, is excited about the birth of his little sister, Olivia. One morning, Jacob's mom is giving Olivia a bath, when Jacob asks "Mom, where's her pp?" The mom explains that boys have pp's and girls don't. Just to make sure he understands, she brings out a magazine, and points to a girl and said "What does she have?" and he responds "No pp." She tells him good job and points to a man and he responds "pp." Then she points to George W. Bush and asks "Whats this?" he responds "tough call"
LOVE: A word involving four letters, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots. It refers to a disease that can be cured by marriage.
ARCHITECT: A guy not "macho" enough to be an engineer and not queer enough to be an interior designer.
TO DANCE: It refers to the vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.
BRAIN: An organ that allows us to think we think.
BOY SCOUT: A child dressed like an idiot guided by an idiot dressed like a child.
HEADACHE: A woman's most trustworthy modern contraceptive.
BUST: Statue of a man without hands or the parts of a woman where a man's hands have been.
ORAL EXAM: A test you must pass to become an intern in the White house.
A POLITICAL CANDIDATE: A pers
One to his friend:
"My little brother started walking last week!"
The other friend:
"Where did he go? He should be kilometers away!"
Q. Why should you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs?
A. Because you might step in a poodle.
Where did they sign the Declaration of Independence?
At the bottom.
Earth Worm: Oh, I wish that darn evil Mister Barney hadn't chopped my brother into two sections!
Other Earth Worm: Why?
Earth Worm: Because, now I have two half brothers!
This is a list of what I have learned so far in my life:
1.) Always smile. It makes adults wonder what you're up to.
2.) Golf is no longer a rich man's sport. There are millions of poor players.
3.) If at first you DO succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
4.) It takes a thousand nuts and bolts to put a car together, yet just one nut to scatter it all over the road.
5.) NEVER play leapfrog with a unicorn.
6.) NEVER ask your dad to help you with your math homework, unless you want a 4-hour lecture.
7.) When things look black, send them to the laundry.
8.) Be tolerant of those who disagree with you. After all, they're entitled to their stupid opinions!
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
OK, let's consider the physical evidence.
The moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the Earth every year.
Do the math and you will clearly see that 85 million years ago it was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs; the tallest ones, anyway
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