I went to a wedding the other day. Two antennas were getting married. It wasn't much of a wedding ceremony, but it was one heck of a reception!

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course." There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining st

Have you ever had those days when your computer fucking sucks? Now you have a poem to say! I'm gonna get some Coke and a snack, This should be FUCKING WORKING by the time I get back.

There was a dyslexic insomniac agnostic. He laid awake all night wondering if there really was a Dog.

Economic times were very bad, so the plant owner had a difficult time finding people to work in his new factory. In an act of desperation, he hired a tribe of cannibals. At their orientation he made it very clear that he would not tolerate any acts of cannibalism in the plant. Three months went by without incident, when all of a sudden a secretary disappeared without a trace. The manager rounded up all of the cannibals. "If I find out that one of you ate the secretary," he said, "I'm going to fire all of you!" and with that, stormed out of the room. After he left the room, one of the cannibals stood up and said, "This is a disgrace! For months we've been eating managers and no one has e

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A start.

What do you call a blind deer? No idea (no eye deer.) What do you call a blind deer with no legs? Still no idea! (not moving [still] no eye deer)

One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack. When he asked, the man said, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds good tonight." The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack. "Well, I'll tell you," replied the man, "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this here sack I'll give them both to you."

You know you're a redneck if you would rather your son have his own hunting show than become a doctor.

Did you know diarhea is part of your inheritence? Ya, it flows in our genes.