Quasimodo, the bell-ringer for the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, goes to the cardinal. "Cardinal, I'm getting pretty old and I'd like to retire, and live the rest of my life peacefully." The cardinal says, "That's fine Quasi, we'll just let the town crier know so he can put out the call to find a new bell-ringer." The cardinal does this, and both he and Quasimodo hear the town crier announcing the job opening. After about three weeks, they are shocked because they haven't had anyone come for the job opening. The cardinal and Quasimodo are down on the steps talking, "Quasi," said the cardinal, "I'm sorry to say this but I can't let you go retire. We don't have anyone to ring the bells if yo

One blond to another: "The electicity break down was terrible. I was stuck in the lift for 2 hours." The other blond: "That's nothing, I stood on the elevator for 6 hours!!!

UNIX Airways Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOS Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on... Mac Airlines All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ev

Your face is sad. Not that you're crying, it's that I feel sorry for you.

This is laziness!

Parent: You two should sing in the talent show together. Tim: When pigs fly! cindy: You fly?

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling

Question: What did the frog order at McDonald's? Answer: An order of french flies and a diet croak!!

You used a cheat sheet during your hunter's safety test.

You know your a redneck if... You tell your kids the facts of life and they interrupt you with corrections. You've ever given your date flowers from a cemetery. You proposed at Denny's. The biggest compliment you got at your wedding was how cute your baby was. You had a marriage license before you had a drivers license. You've ever reused wedding invitations. The last thing your ex-wife ever said to you was "It's me or them dogs." If your wedding invitations ever said "same time same place." At your wedding reception you put Alka-Seltzer in cheap wine to get "Champagne."

One day, there was a powerful slide, and when you go down on it, you wish for something and you get it. One guy goes down the slide, and says, "A pot of gold," and he gets it. Another guy goes down and says, "A pot of silver," and he gets it. The third guy says, "Weeee," and he gets a pot of wee!

How do you keep a black man from jumping on your bed? -Put velcro on the ceiling. Why don't black people dream anymore? -Because the last one that did got shot. How do you keep five black men from raping a white woman? -Give them a basketball. What do you call black ladies' abortions? -Crimestoppers What do you say if you see your tv floating in the middle of the night? -"Drop it nigga!" Whats wrong with four Mexicans dying in an Impala? -An Impala can hold five.