Popular Jokes
It seems that upon passing away, a Texan found himself at the legendary Pearly Gates, and St. Peter himself was in attendance to personally greet him!
After the usual checklist and verifications, St. Peter made some small talk and commented that he had heard that in Texas, everything is big.
The Texan agreed and responded saying, "Yup, everything is big in Texas."
"Well," said St. Peter, "we've got some pretty big things up here in Heaven too."
He then led the Texan to a farm where cabbages were as big as Volkswagens and the carrots towered over them like redwood trees. "Pretty impressive eh?" said St. Peter.
The Texan smiled and remarked, "Yes sir Mr. Peter, they are some pretty big vegeta
A famous blonde actress and her husband are going to meet an American. However, her husband has forgotten the young man's name. Later, the young man asks for an autograph. She asks, trying to find his name out, "How do you spell your name?" Upon hearing this, he said,"B-E-N A long time ago when I saw your first play on Broadway and got an autograph, you knew how to spell it."
Banta Singh got tired of being the butt of jokes, and decided to do his PhD. Banta was looking out for a unique subject to write his thesis when he saw a cockroach. Banta placed the cockroach on the table and cuts one of its leg. Then he said "Walk". The cockroach moves forward. Then Banta cut its second leg and commanded "Walk". The cockroach manages to moves forward. Then Banta cut its third leg and commanded "Walk". The cockroach manages to wriggle forward on one leg. Finally Banta cut its fourth leg and said "Walk". The poor cockroach could not move and lay helplessly on the table. He repeats the same with over 1000 cockroaches. He finds that the results in all his experiments match. Ban
This is a list of what I have learned so far in my life:
1.) Always smile. It makes adults wonder what you're up to.
2.) Golf is no longer a rich man's sport. There are millions of poor players.
3.) If at first you DO succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
4.) It takes a thousand nuts and bolts to put a car together, yet just one nut to scatter it all over the road.
5.) NEVER play leapfrog with a unicorn.
6.) NEVER ask your dad to help you with your math homework, unless you want a 4-hour lecture.
7.) When things look black, send them to the laundry.
8.) Be tolerant of those who disagree with you. After all, they're entitled to their stupid opinions!
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
I went into your house, took a booger off the wall and yo mamma told me not to touch the family portrait.
OK, let's consider the physical evidence.
The moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the Earth every year.
Do the math and you will clearly see that 85 million years ago it was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs; the tallest ones, anyway
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And
A young brunette used to always wonder why her blonde best friend would get A's on all her tests and the brunette would get A-'s.
She thought that was a little weird, so one day she asked her friend why she got better grades, and her friend said that she just copied the answers out of her book, so the brunette said, "But none of them were open book," and the blonde says, "Oh, that might explain why no one was using their books!"
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just insi
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