Popular Jokes
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.
Here's why: The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Saddam Hussein. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000
New Rules
New Rules
Dear Employee:
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retir
A young lady came home from a date looking rather sad. She told her mother, "Arthur proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
This guy is walking through Chinatown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry".
"Hans Olaffsen?" he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?"
He walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?".
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The visitor asks, "Well, who in the heck is the owner?"
"I am he," answers the old man.
"You? How in the heck did y
What do you call 2 nuns and 3 prostitutes on a football field?
2 Tight Ends and 3 Wide Receivers
A young man worked at an aquarium feading the animals, cleaning the tanks and the like. One day his boss came to him and said, "We have a group of second-graders coming for a field trip in about thirty minutes and the dolphins are getting 'playful'. The only thing that will make the dolphins behave is baby seagull meat. I want you to take this bag and go down to the beach and get some baby seagulls, but be careful because a lion has escaped from the zoo. They say it's been shot with a tranq gun so it shouldn't be a problem."
So, the young man took the bag, made his way down to the beach and got the seagulls with no problem. He decided to take the short cut through the woods on his way
A gentleman walks into bar, and to his horror, sees a screaming naked lady tied to the wall while the bartender licks her! The guy runs out and calles the police.He is even more horrified when the police say there is nothing they can do; the bartender has lick-her (liquor) license.
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