Popular Jokes
Quasimodo, the bell-ringer for the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, goes to the cardinal. "Cardinal, I'm getting pretty old and I'd like to retire, and live the rest of my life peacefully." The cardinal says, "That's fine Quasi, we'll just let the town crier know so he can put out the call to find a new bell-ringer." The cardinal does this, and both he and Quasimodo hear the town crier announcing the job opening.
After about three weeks, they are shocked because they haven't had anyone come for the job opening. The cardinal and Quasimodo are down on the steps talking, "Quasi," said the cardinal, "I'm sorry to say this but I can't let you go retire. We don't have anyone to ring the bells if yo
In the future, man is exploring the universe. Due to the excessive cost, they can only send out small teams of explorers to search and investigate the millions of planets they come across. One such team lands on a barren planet that seems to be just one big rock. As they investigate, their sensors pick up life signs. They follow the sensor until they come up on a large stone sentinel (guard) crouched down with its arms around its legs. They can detect life signs from it, but it doesn't move, doesn't appear to breathe.
They call back to their commanders on Earth and report this abnormal situation. Because of this, many great scientific minds, military generals, politicians, and technical wiz
How long does it take a blond to change a lightbulb?
They never change it, by the time they've realized that it's broken, the world would of ended.
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling
There was a blind guy, walking down the street. He passes a fish market, smells the fish and says," Good morning ladies."
How do you keep a black man from jumping on your bed?
-Put velcro on the ceiling.
Why don't black people dream anymore?
-Because the last one that did got shot.
How do you keep five black men from raping a white woman?
-Give them a basketball.
What do you call black ladies' abortions?
-Crimestoppers
What do you say if you see your tv floating in the middle of the night?
-"Drop it nigga!"
Whats wrong with four Mexicans dying in an Impala?
-An Impala can hold five.
A Director said to the actress: "You have to jump from 100 feet into a swimming pool."
Actress: "But I dont know how to swim."
Director: "I know, that's why I removed all the water from the swimming pool."
Teacher: If you found five pence in one pocket and ten pence in the other,what would you have?
Willy: Somebody else's trousers.
A sailor came home from his 5-year sea voyage, and had two bird-cages with him.
He holds them up, and says to his wife, "Do you want the parrot, or do you want the cockatoo?"
She replies, "I'll have the parrot, I've had a cockatoo while you were away!"
There is a major difference between the way a dog thinks and the way a cat thinks.
A dog says, "You feed me, shelter me, pamper me, and love me. You must be God."
A cat says, "You feed me, shelter me, pamper me, and love me. I must be God."
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