After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Interviewer : Give me the opposite words. Banta Singh : OK. Interviewer : Made in India. Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan. Interviewer : Good .... Keep it up. Banta Singh : Bad .... Put it down. Interviewer : Maxi - mum Banta Singh : Mini - dad Interviewer : Enough! Take your seat. Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don't take my seat. Interviewer : Idiot! Take your seat. Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my seat. Interviewer : I say you get out! Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in. Interviewer : I reject you! Banta Singh : You appoint me. Interviewer : .....!!!!!

A teacher asked her children just before they were about to leave class for Mass, "And why is it necessary to be quiet during Mass?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

You're so slow that if you were a train engine, the caboose would be leading.

Teacher: Alvin, how many letters are in the alphabet? Alvin: 18. Teacher: Wrong, there are 26. Alvin: No, teacher, there used to be 26, but ET went home in a UFO and the CIA went after him.

Knock-knock. Who's there? Terra. Terra who? Terra reason you won't let me in?

What is 4-2? two. What is 8-6? two. Who wrote Tom Sawyer? Twain Now say the answers altogether. Two two Twain. Have a nice twip!

I went into your house, took a booger off the wall and yo mamma told me not to touch the family portrait.

yo mom is like a shotgun, one cock and shes ready to blow

Yo mama is so fat, when someone wants to shake her hand she has to give directions!

Day 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture. I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings him his meal. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, exclaiming, "Waitress! There's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what's going on!" So, the waitress takes him back to the kitchen where the cook is, and to the man's demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. The distraught customer says, "That's disgusting!" Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting? You should see him make donuts."