Did you hear the one about when the Great Recession began? The President appointed a cat to chair the Federal Reserve. Do you know why? Because when a cat falls, it always lands on its feet.

Tech Support Just in case you think you are TC (technologically challenged). The following is an excerpt taken from a Wall Street Journal article: 1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the

In the words of Albert Einstien "There are two things infinite; the universe and human stupidity," if this doesn't prove one of them, I am not sure what will. (Oh, and let me tell you, this doesn't prove anything about the universe) 1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO. 2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU. 3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE. 4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. 5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS. 6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO

The day before Christmas break, a few kindergarten students decided to give their teacher a gift. The first gift was from a little girl whos daddy was a florist. The teacher takes the present unwraps it and discovers it's flowers. She thanks the girl and takes the next present. Its from a little boy whose daddy own a candy store. She unwraps the present and sure enough there's a box of chocolates. She thanks the boy and takes the last gift. The last gift is from a boy whose daddy owns a liquor store. The gift is dripping with a weird liquid. Shocked that the boy's father would give him alcohol to give to a teacher, decides to say nothing and guess what it is. "Is it champagne?" The boy rep

A young man went to a house to pick up his blind date. The girl wasn't quite ready, so her father invited the lad to sit on the couch and wait. Dad sat in his easy chair and proceeded to read his newspaper, while the family dog, Rover, jumped onto the couch and sniffed out the stranger. Suddenly, the young man felt the urge to fart and didn't know what to do, however, since the dog was nearby, he decided to squeak it out and feign innocence. "Brrroough," went the fart! Dad peered over his newspaper and said, "Rover! Get off that couch!" The young man was relieved. Obviously, Dad thought Rover had done the deed. Soon, another fart rumbled in the young man's guts, and he let it rip, ass

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?". The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000." "That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly. The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?" "S

A blonde is speeding down a deserted street when she is pulled over by a police officer. The officer very politely requests to see the blondes license. The blonde very indignant replies, "You know what? I'm getting tired of you cops. You just can't make up your mind. Last week you took away my license, and now you want me to show it to you?"

You're so fat that everybody has to talk behind your back!

A man called the gorilla exterminator because a gorilla was in the tree in his front yand. When the exterminator came he had a gun, a stick, and a dog. He explained that he would climb the tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until it falls from the tree. "Then my dog will bite his testicles off." The guy suspiciously asked, "What is the gun for?" The exterminator replied, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, then you shoot the dog."

Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana!

Once there was a mom and a dad , they had a daughter called Angelica. So the dad was very thirsty because he had been driving a lot, so he asked his daughter "sweetheart can I have some of your juice?" She answers "daddy no drinking and driving, that's what the law says!!!"

What's the difference between a Ford and a golf ball? You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.