Laws of Feline Physics II Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. Law of Obedient Resistance A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. Law of Refrigeration Observation If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to e

Three men were at a business convention where they were discussing cars. One man said, "I am an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn." Another man says, "I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort." The last man speaks up saying, "Well, I beat both of you - I am a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe!"

Miss Blue(Teacher):"2 x 2 = 4, 4 x 4 = 16, and now, Brian, what is 16 x 16?" Brian(Pupil): "You cheated, Miss Blue. You always take the easy one and give us the hardest."

A duck, a skunk, and a frog go to the movies. Tickets cost one dollar. Which animal doesn't get in? The skunk! The frog has a green back, the duck has a bill, but the skunk only has a scent.

My mum told me that picking my nose was disgusting, and from now on, I had to pick it myself.

Aig - What a hen lays. Aints - He's got aints in his paints. Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a morning. Arn - Ma's tard of arnin. Bag - He bagged her to marry him. Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence. Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won. Bub - the light bub burned out. Cheer - What you set in. Crick - A small stream. Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon. Chiny - country over in Asia. Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes. Core - He got hisself a new Ford core. Cyow - Animal on Farm. Deppity - He helps out the shurf.. Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt. Dainz - Satidy night social. Ellum - A graceful tree. Fanger - What you put your rang on. Faince - Whats r

All you see in the sports media nowadays is the fact that athletes are taking steriods and other performance enhanceing drugs to become stronger and faster. So instead of going out and buying a new car I put some steriods in the gas tank.... I wonder if I will get the same result?

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?" The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?" Again, the clerk doesn't answer him. The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?" And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy storms off in anger. The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "Why wouldn't you answer that guy's question?" The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"

-What do you call a dog in a submarine? -A sub-woofer.

You might be a redneck if you think that "home security" means taking the front steps to your trailer with you when you leave the house.

Did you fart....Because you are blowing me away!!! My two favorite letters of the alpabet E Z. Hey, I lost my underwear, can I see yours? Hey baby, have you fallen from heaven, because that would explain your face.. Can i buy you a drink? Because you look like an alcoholic. Do you believe in helping the homeless? (If yes) Take me home with you. I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated. Are you wearing a cow suit, or do you always look like a heiffer? Damn girrl did you get some lipo, your'e looking P H A T! Are you a frito cause your really corny How much do you weigh cause your lookin PHAT* Tell your mom to stop changing lipsticks cause my dick looks like a ra

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