Popular Jokes
Take this quiz to see if you are an idiot or not. If you make just one single mistake, you are an idiot. Ready?
1.George Washington, who was born in 1732, was born in what year?
2.The second war of the world, known as the World War II, is known as what?
3.What is the answer to one hundred plus one hundred, given that one hundred plus one hundred is two hundred?
4.What punctuation mark is used after this sentence, which is a question mark?
5.This joke, who was written by xJOKERx, was written by who?
6.If an elephant is bigger than a mouse, is a mouse bigger than an elephant?
7.If this question has thirteen words, how many words does this question have?
8.If you are currently reading this jok
(I put the pun words in CAPS)
A man was smoking in a no smoking restaurant. Mik went up to him and said "sir, you'll have to leave'. The smoker said to mik "what if I dont wanna, yeah?, what'll ya do then?" Mak walked up to the smoking man's face and said 'leave. this is a no smoking restaurant. no BUTTS about it". The man said "fine" and walked out and jumped on his bike. Mik said to mak " man, has that bike been through a RECYCLING machine"? Word spread, and no smokers smoked in that restaurant ever again.
Tech Support
Just in case you think you are TC (technologically challenged). The following is an excerpt taken from a Wall Street Journal article:
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the
Prison v. Work
In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' by 10' cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6' by 8' cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behaviour. At work you get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere. At work you are just ball-
A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?".
The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000."
"That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?"
"S
A blonde is speeding down a deserted street when she is pulled over by a police officer.
The officer very politely requests to see the blondes license.
The blonde very indignant replies, "You know what? I'm getting tired of you cops. You just can't make up your mind. Last week you took away my license, and now you want me to show it to you?"
The wife ran into the house, screaming to her actor husband, "Darling, come quick. Your kids and my kids are beating up on our kids!"
"My husband won a trip for two to Hawaii," a woman complained to her marriage counsellor.
"He went twice!"
- Nice Set of Floppies!
- Hey, how 'bout I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU.
- I'd like to play on your laptop.
- Need me to unzip your files?
- If you were an ISP, I'd dial you all day long!
- I'd like to boot up your PC!
- I'll bet my hard drive is the biggest you've ever seen!
- I've got a 21 inch... (monitor)
- I'd get a T3 to watch your streaming video...
- Your homepage or mine?
A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes that she is headed straight toward his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him.
Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?" She turns and smiles and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."
Whoa! He swallows hard and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he ca
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