The policeman stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia," she said. The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well, OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

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Leonid Brezhnev, a former ruler of Russia, was thought not to be too bright. He comes to address a big Communist party meeting, and starts: "Dear Comrade Imperialists," The whole hall perked up - "what did he say?" Brezhnev tried again... "Dear Comrade Imperialists," Well, by now the hall was in pandemonium - was he trying to call them Imperialists? Then, an advisor walked over to the podium and pointed to the speech for Brezhnev. "Oh..." he muttered, and started again: "Dear Comrades, Imperialists are everywhere."

Gull - A young female. Hale - Where General Sherman went for what he did to Etlanna. Moanin - Between daybreak and noon. Motuhsickle - A two-wheeled missile with a powerful engine. Nekkid - To be unclothed. Ovair - In that direction. Own - Instead of awf. Phrasin - Very cold. Sebmup - Soft drink similar to ginger ale. Show - "It show is hot today." Spearmint - Something scientist do. Stow - Place where things are sold. Tal - What you dry off with after you take a share. Uhmukin - Someone who lives in the United States of Uhmurka. Zackly – Precisely.

Here's a little list of "Doc-isms" - What doctors say, and what they're really thinking: "I'd like to have my associate look at you." He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle. "Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?" You're crazier'n a loon. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me ... "There is a lot of that going around." My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this. "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment." I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week. "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week?" I'm playing golf this afternoon, and th

As a shepherd you herd your sheep into your barn. As you walk away you hear two wolves in the barn. What do you do? I would get the flock out of there!

Why do mathematicians like national parks? Because of the natural logs.

Press Release Scare At Adelaide F.C. (Football Club) Headquarters Training at West Lakes was delayed nearly two hours late this morning, after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the ground. Initially the Club thought it was a prank! Team manager Neil Craig immediately suspended training, while police and the ASIO (Australia Special Investigations Office) were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, SA Police forensic experts determined that the white substance, unfamiliar to most of the players, was in fact, the goal line. Practice will resume this afternoon after police and ASIO decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

Take this quiz to see if you are an idiot or not. If you make just one single mistake, you are an idiot. Ready? 1.George Washington, who was born in 1732, was born in what year? 2.The second war of the world, known as the World War II, is known as what? 3.What is the answer to one hundred plus one hundred, given that one hundred plus one hundred is two hundred? 4.What punctuation mark is used after this sentence, which is a question mark? 5.This joke, who was written by xJOKERx, was written by who? 6.If an elephant is bigger than a mouse, is a mouse bigger than an elephant? 7.If this question has thirteen words, how many words does this question have? 8.If you are currently reading this jok

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked. "Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee." "Oh, that's awful!" "You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry..."

The teacher asks: "Fritzchen, what is the difference between capitalism and socialism?" Fritz replies: "Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Under socialism, it is the other way around."

Did you hear the one about when the Great Recession began? The President appointed a cat to chair the Federal Reserve. Do you know why? Because when a cat falls, it always lands on its feet.