Popular Jokes
Are the Wocka ads annoying you? This is an updated version to tell you how to block them. It might take too long for you to reach the 5000 point milestone and therefore automatically get rid of the ads.
If they do annoy you, here's a way to remove them:
1. Open "my computer", locate the windows directory (for example, C:\windows).
2. Enter its subdirectory system32\drivers\etc (the full path might be something like C:\windows\system32\drivers\etc). You can find a file named "host".
3. Use the "notepad" (which is being used to open .txt files) to open this file, and add these lines:
127.0.0.1 pagead2.googlesyndication.com
127.0.0.1 media.fastclick.net
127.0.0.1 www.burstnet.com
4. Save
An analyst, a pure mathematician, and a statistician apply for a job. The interviewer asks each of them the question "What is 1/3 multiplied by 3?" The analyst enters it into his calculator and replies that the answer is 0.9999999. The pure mathematician replies that the answer is obviously 1. Then, the statistician asks the interviewer "What do you want it to be?"
Knock, knock, knock! Who's there, i' th' name of Beelzebub? Here's a farmer that hanged himself on the expectation of plenty. Come in time, have napkins enough about you, here you'll sweat for 't.
Armenian Radio was asked: "Is it true that conditions in our labor camps are excellent?" Armenian Radio answers: "It is true. Five years ago a listener of ours raised the same question and was sent to one, reportedly to investigate the issue. He hasn't returned yet; we are told he liked it there."
Register lots of accounts, with each account voting for it as least comedy. If its average comedy drops below 0.5, it will be automatically deleted.
I'm not even sure this is funny (although it was at the time), but it was just a random happening:
I was texting my friend and playing temple run at the same time, and something occurred to me. I said, "If I were a Temple Run character, no one would buy me... I cannot slide on my back, jump over tall objects, run fast (most definitely not), or pick up coins by running through them. I would die in the first 30 seconds." He replied, "I would buy u, just so I could get the achievement of sexy seven."
Jack told me you told him that I told you that he was ugly, and I told you not to tell him I told you that!
It's his fault! I told him not to tell you I told him what you told me!
Well, don't let it happen again--and don't tell him I told you he told me.
Anyone remember Roy Clark, host of TV's "Hee Haw"?
Once, cohost Buck Owens was visiting Roy's home in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Roy was upset because he had just bought a beautiful new pair of genuine leather boots that were completely destroyed by a mountain lion the night before when Roy had left them on the back porch.
Roy was bound and determined to get the animal, so he and Buck, and several townspeople, took up arms and searched the hills. The group searched for hours to no avail. Then suddenly, Buck heard a feline wail.
Buck turns to his friend and sings:
"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"
One day, I went to the shooting gallery at the fair, one with the smiling clowns. I aimed and fired. Imagine my reaction when the target started yelling obscenities and charged.
"WOW! These fairs are really getting high-tech," I thought. Just to impress the girls watching, I held my ground and continued firing. Pretty soon, he lost all of his teeth, but he still kept coming. And that was some realistic blood! I aimed up at the forehead, and the target dropped like a rock. A security guard walked up to me and said, "How do you feel? You just killed a carnie, you sicko!"
"Wow, real carnival people!" I said, "I gotta get some of those for my shotgun at home! Carnies are cheaper than paper tar
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