Popular Jokes
You know your a redneck if...
You tell your kids the facts of life and they interrupt you with corrections.
You've ever given your date flowers from a cemetery.
You proposed at Denny's.
The biggest compliment you got at your wedding was how cute your baby was.
You had a marriage license before you had a drivers license.
You've ever reused wedding invitations.
The last thing your ex-wife ever said to you was "It's me or them dogs."
If your wedding invitations ever said "same time same place."
At your wedding reception you put Alka-Seltzer in cheap wine to get "Champagne."
Q: How many roadies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 2. One to try to hammer it in with a microphone, and another to find a cable to plug that microphone in.
Q: How many union members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: If we do screw in that light bulb, it'll be a 4 hour minimum on the payroll.
Q: How many sound techs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. That's the light guy's job.
Q: How many lighting techs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: IT'S A LAMP!
Why did the kid like the bowl of carrots and peas?
Because he could eat every carrot and pea in the bowl.
Boy(howling): A crab just bit my toe!
Father: Which one?
Boy: How should I know?!?!?! All crabs look alike to me!!
There once was a man from Rangoon
Whose farts could be heard on the moon;
When you'd least expect 'em
They'd burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon!!
A girl goes to her doctor, because she's found some unusual green marks on her thighs.
After the doctor has examined the marks, she asks the girl some questions so that she can determine the cause.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" "Yes."
"Can you describe him?" "Ok; he's tall, dark, and works at the fairground."
"So he's a traveller?" "Yes, he is; any problems?"
"No, no. I do think his earrings may be made of brass, though."
What's the difference between the teacher and the one who minds trains?
The teacher trains minds, the other minds trains.
A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.
"Duke!" the dad yelled.
"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.
"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.
"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"
Home
