Dogs have masters, cats have staff.

Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible." Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using? Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why do they report power outages on TV? Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces? Why do 'tug'boats push their barges? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why do we have hot water heaters? Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase? Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there? Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them

It is obvious. The downfall of the world is here. It is 2005 and we have lived on this earth for ages. I suppose it is about time for the end. Proof? You want proof? I have all the proof you will need: They let Brittney Spears reproduce. Ohh that poor poor child!!

Do you know how old hags tell time? * ** *** **** ***** ****** ******* ******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** * ** *** **** ***** ****** ******* ******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** * ** *** **** ***** ****** ******* ******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** * ** *** **** ***** ****** ******* ******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** * A witch-watch!

Yo momma is so fat , She uses a pillow for a tampon. ------------------------------------ Yo momma is so stupid , That when her boyfriend said, "Lets do it doggie-style tonight," she sat down and licked her ass. ------------------------------------- Yo momma is so dumb , That she was arrested for taking a dump at a construction site next to a sign that read, "Dump waste here." ------------------------------------- Yo momma is so fat , That when she farted, your dad ran away yelling, "It's a tornado. Hide!"

Why were the police at the baseball game? Because someone stole second base!

An ant and an elephant got married. After they had sex, the elephant had a heart attack and died. "Crap," the ant said. "Five minutes of passion and now the rest of my life digging a grave."

A girl walks into a bar and sits down with her friend. She is feeling down, so she talks to her friend. Her friend says "Go get a beer." She says she didn't want one. Then the friend says "Hey, who said it was for you?" copyright fox corp.

Yo Momma's so fat, when she went in a hot air balloon there was a solar eclipse!

A policeman caught a nasty little boy, with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. "Now listen here," the policeman said. "Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature, I shall personally do to you" "In that case," said the boy, "I'll kiss it on the forehead and let it go"

You used a cheat sheet during your hunter's safety test.