A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings him his meal. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, exclaiming, "Waitress! There's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what's going on!" So, the waitress takes him back to the kitchen where the cook is, and to the man's demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. The distraught customer says, "That's disgusting!" Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting? You should see him make donuts."

A man was out of work, and he was combing through the want ads. He saw that a school was looking for a bus driver, so he called and was asked to come for an interview. He got the job, and was surprised when he went out and found that the bus was garishly painted with Big Bird, Bert & Ernie, and Elmo. Still, a job's a job, he thought. As he went about his route, he stopped and picked up twin girls. These girls were rather portly, and as they entered the bus the first one said, "My name's Patty." The man asked the second twin her name and she said, "My name's Patty also." Further along, there was a boy who was trying to put on a James Dean-esque cool image. As he got on the bus, he said,

For Stupid: Hey, your house is calling, and they're missing their idiot. Where were you when God gave out brains? How many times have you crawled into the hole that said 'lowers your IQ'? Did you get dropped on your head when you were little and your mom said you were just 'special'? Did you like getting hit by the stupid stick? For Ugly: Did you perhaps get run over by a truck sometime in your life? Note: You can use stupid insults and change them to ugly insults by a word and vice versa.

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replied, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one. The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior was first to open hers, then, stared at it for a moment, leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?

It is obvious. The downfall of the world is here. It is 2005 and we have lived on this earth for ages. I suppose it is about time for the end. Proof? You want proof? I have all the proof you will need: They let Brittney Spears reproduce. Ohh that poor poor child!!

A male blue whale, can ejaculate 40 gallons of sperm during sex. Only 10% of that will get to the female. The other 36 gallons is left in the sea. No wonder the sea's so salty.

In the future, man is exploring the universe. Due to the excessive cost, they can only send out small teams of explorers to search and investigate the millions of planets they come across. One such team lands on a barren planet that seems to be just one big rock. As they investigate, their sensors pick up life signs. They follow the sensor until they come up on a large stone sentinel (guard) crouched down with its arms around its legs. They can detect life signs from it, but it doesn't move, doesn't appear to breathe. They call back to their commanders on Earth and report this abnormal situation. Because of this, many great scientific minds, military generals, politicians, and technical wiz

Yo momma is so fat , She uses a pillow for a tampon. ------------------------------------ Yo momma is so stupid , That when her boyfriend said, "Lets do it doggie-style tonight," she sat down and licked her ass. ------------------------------------- Yo momma is so dumb , That she was arrested for taking a dump at a construction site next to a sign that read, "Dump waste here." ------------------------------------- Yo momma is so fat , That when she farted, your dad ran away yelling, "It's a tornado. Hide!"

TOP GEORGE BUSH SLOGANS 1. I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show! 2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time. 3. I'll finish what Bill started -- the interns. 4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right? 5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP. 6. I promise no sex scandal: just look at me. 7. New penal plan: I won't use mine! 8. Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks. 9. George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers 10. Vote for Bush and against Common Sense

Your face is sad. Not that you're crying, it's that I feel sorry for you.

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. Say "Wouldn't you like to know?" every time someone asks you a question. 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..." 5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. 7. Speak only in a "robot" voice. 8. Push all the flat Lego pieces tightly together. 9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub". 10.

A cowboy an indian and a muslim were in an airport waiting for their flight. After some silence the indian says. "Once my people were many, now we are few." Then the muslim says, "My people were many, we are still many," he turns to the cowboy, "Why do you think that is?" The cowboy says, "Maybe that's 'cause we haven't played cowboys 'n' muslims yet.