A merger has been announced between the California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) and the California Fish and Game Department. It will be called Fish and Chips.

- When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. - During your initial consultation, he tries to sell you Amway. - He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser." - During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy. - He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger." - Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot. - He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger. - He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

Q. What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A. A good start! Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A. His lips are moving. Q. What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A. There are skid marks in front of the skunk. Q. Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A. Professional courtesy. Q. What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A. Not enough sand. Q. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A. A Lobotomy. Q. How do you save five drowning lawyers? A. Who cares? Q. What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers? A. A waste of cement. Q. How do you stop a lawyer from

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a Vice President of peas at the grocery store!" "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?" The clerk replies, "Canned or frozen?"

For year's years they told me, "Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, And give them monthly tests." So I heeded all their warnings And protected them by law... Guarded them very carefully, And always wore a bra. After 30 years of careful care, The Doctor found a lump, He ordered up a Mammogram To look inside that clump. "Stand up very close," she said, as she got my tit in line, "And tell me when it hurts," she said, Ah yes!There! Thats just fine." She stepped upon a pedal... I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate was pressing down... My Boob was in a vice!! My skin was stretched'n stretched From way up by my chin, And my poor tit was

Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. The guitarist holds the bulb and the world revolves around him!

How many diagonals does an N-polygon have? N(N-3)/2.

A few weeks ago, my Health teacher set up a competition, saying the winning group would win an extra credit point. We were separated into five groups; water, electricity, food, paper, and gas. Each group had to come up with at least twenty ways to preserve their element. The group that came up with the most solutions would win the extra credit point. Near the end of the of the class, the teacher had reported that there were two winning teams; electricity, and gas. They had tied equally with very good responses. The teacher then said that both of those teams would need to come up with a final way to preserve their element, and whoever had the best one, would be determined the winner. "

We all know the world war II games right?And they also have the Thompson gun which belongs to the Americans and British. There is a 2nd meaning. (Capital letters make for Thompson not just the beginning words.If you know what I mean) Thompson means:Theories Having Oatmeal Mayhem.Prefers to Sadness because Oatmeal is Numb. Capital letters are the letters of Thompson.

Knock, knock, knock! Who's there? Faith, here's an English tailor come hither for stealing out of a French hose. Come in, tailor. Here you may roast your gooses.

"One day a friend of mine called me up to tell me he was thinking of buying a computer. This guy is particularly sensitive to criticism and not exactly in the upper echelon of the IQ range, and personally I don't think he should own a programmable VCR much less a computer, but he's a good guy, so I said "good for you." The following conversation ensued: * Him: "Well, I have a couple questions though, that I thought I should ask you, cause you know about those things, right?" * Me: "Yeah, ok, what do you want to know?" * Him: "Well . . . what one should I buy?" * Me: "What do you want to do with it mostly? Play games, word processsing (blah blah blah) . . .?" Twenty minutes

A man was having a serious surgical operation. When he woke up, he asked his doctor, "Did it go well?" "It went perfectly." "Then why do I have this headache?" "Oh, that. Halfway through the operation, we ran out of anesthetic."