There once was a pack of Indians and the Indian Chief could never seem to fart. So eventually he got one of his Indian people to call up a doctor and tell him "Big Chief no fart!". So the doctor came up the next day with a pill and he says "Here, take this and call me the next day to tell me what happened." So the Indian calls back up the next day and says "Still, Big Chief no fart!" So the doctor brought up an even bigger pill. The next day the Indian calls the doctor up and says "Once again, Big Chief no fart!". So the doctor had enough of this and brought this HUGE pill, I mean this pill had to be taken in by tanks. So the next day the Indian calls up the doctor and says..."BIG FART

A few rules for what women can and cannot wear at a private pool. 1) Thongs are encouraged... however only if certain conditions are met. 1A) There must be a direct correlation to the amount of total square inches of skin, to the total amount of square inches of bathing suit. In other words, if you are any larger than a mini van, a string bikini should be frowned upon. 1B) Thongs or ass floss as they have been come to be known in pool and beach circles, should be worn as long as there is not more cellulite on your buttocks than in one of Mel Gibson's Epic type movies. 2) Women with near perfect figures, cannot wear one piece bathing suits... plain and simple. Damn, I know it's a sexist w

What did the cat say to the elephant? "......................meOW!"

What do soccer players drink? Penaltea!

How are men and parking spots alike? Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely short.

How do you titillate an ocelot? Oscillate its tit a lot!

knock-knock. who's there? yo mama. yo mama who? this is yo mama stop playing.

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe. After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit! He asked how much He owed, but Finkelstein brushed him off: "No, no, no, for the Son of God? There's no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor?" Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor." Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of His Finke

One day a man with a box walked in a bar. He sat down, opened the box and out popped a leprechaun. The man told the bartender, "I want a pint of beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here." There was man sitting at the end of the bar watching all of this and, after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar and spit in the guy's face, then he ran back. The guy with the box said, "I'll have another beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here." After the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he again ran to the end of the bar and spit in the man's face, then dashed back. The guy with the box ordered another beer for himself and another shot for the le

Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? A: Eileen. Q: What do you call a boy with one foot in the door? A: Justin. Q: What do you call a girl who gambles? A: Betty. Q: What do you call a girl with one foot on either side of the river? A: Bridget. Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head? A: Doug. Q: What do you call a girl with only one pants leg? A: Jean. Q: What do you call a man who's a talented painter? A: Art. Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head? A: Jack. Q: What do you call a lady in the distance? A: Dot. Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head? A: Lily. Q: What do you call a man with numbers down his front? A: Bill.

For Stupid: Hey, your house is calling, and they're missing their idiot. Where were you when God gave out brains? How many times have you crawled into the hole that said 'lowers your IQ'? Did you get dropped on your head when you were little and your mom said you were just 'special'? Did you like getting hit by the stupid stick? For Ugly: Did you perhaps get run over by a truck sometime in your life? Note: You can use stupid insults and change them to ugly insults by a word and vice versa.

Knock-Knock, Who's there? Alarm. Alarm who? Alarm the cops about all the partying I've been having!!