Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- firefighter, police officer, sales rep, doctor, lawyer, etc. David was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret, and takes off all his clothes in front of other men, and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go home with some guy and make love with him for money." The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly sent the other children to work on some exercises and took little David aside to ask him, "Is that r

A man and his wife were having some problems and giving each other the silent treatment. The man realized that he'd need his wife to wake him the next morning at 5:00 a.m, for an early flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 a.m." The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 a.m. and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 a.m. Wake up."

Knock Knock. Who's there? To. To who? To you.

This is a true story that happened in a South African hospital. There was this case in the hospital where a patient always died in the same bed and on a Friday morning regardless of his medical condition. This puzzles the doctors and some even think it has something to do with the supernatural. One day, all the doctors decide to go down to the ward where it always happens on the Friday mornings. They want to take a look at what's going on. Friday morning comes and everyone's at the hospital ward waiting for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. Right at the expected time, the cleaner comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum!

I once got hired for a "wonderful" new job! And here is the "wonderful" note I found attached to my "wonderful" first paycheck: PAYCHECK GUIDE: The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our new employees better understand their paychecks: Item Amount Gross pay $1,222.02 Income tax $244.40 Outgo tax $45.21 State tax $11.61 Interstate tax $61.10 County tax $6.11 City tax $12.22 Rural tax $4.44 Back tax $1.11 Front tax $1.16 Side tax $1.61 Up tax $1.08 Down tax $1.14 Tic-Tacs $1.98 Thumbtacks $3.93 Carpet tacks $0.98 Stadium tax $0.69 Flat tax $8.32 Surtax $2.23 Ma'am tax $1.23 Corporate tax $2.60 Parking fee $5.00 F.I.C.A. $81.88 T.G.I.F. $9.95 Life insuran

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?" "I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Al said, "Are there any Chinese Jews?" "I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen. He quickly returned and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews." "Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere." When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews." "Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot be

Why don't crabs share? Because there shelfish!

1st SLAP "Our ship has just lost 82% of its power, our captain's head fused with plexiglass and we have an eleven minute window to escape certain death. Let's go to bed together." 2nd SLAP "The evil bad guy, who has demonstrated Superman-like strength, has just killed two of our crew. Let's split up and walk aimlessly through the ship looking for him." 3rd SLAP "I just found an unknown, odd, bizarrely pulsating alien object. I'm gonna open it up and stick my hand in it to see what happens." 4th SLAP "We just picked you up from an abandoned moon in deep space and you can read my mind, which no other human being has ever been able to do. Neat. Let's go to bed." 5th SLAP

Q:What happens when two frogs collide? A: They get tongue tied Q: How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg? A: Unhoppy Q: What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit? A: A rubbit Q: Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes? A: He liked a good croak and dagger Q: What happened to the frog's car when his parking permit expired? A: It got toad

Knock-knock. Who's there? Terra. Terra who? Terra reason you won't let me in?

Teacher: Jimmy! Count from one all the way to ten! Jimmy: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. Teacher: Good, now what comes after that? Jimmy:Jack, queen and king!

Child: "Teacher! I can't find my boots!" Teacher: "Are you sure?" Child: "Yes! There is only one pair left, and it's not mine!" Teacher:"Are you sure?" Child:" Definitely! Mine had snow on them!"